


Rivergays (and Betty)

by ghostmermaid



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Betty is a repressed lesbian, Cheryl Blossom & Betty Cooper Friendship, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Group chat, Toni texts like a fuckboy but shes actually a sweetheart, au where cheryl didnt break up the pussycats, chat fic, sort of canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-08-16 18:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16500557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostmermaid/pseuds/ghostmermaid
Summary: Toni: northside more like MILFside am i right→  Veronica has kicked Toni from the chat ←Or, the queer girls of Riverdale have a group chat





	1. Everyone is a MILF

**Author's Note:**

> ...... I don't really know what to say for myself.  
> Big thanks to my friend Bella for encouraging me and helping me with ideas lol. Anyway, enjoy!

**Gays (and Betty)**

 

**Toni:** veronica

**Toni:** vee

**Toni:** ronnie

**Veronica:** yeah?

**Toni:** ur mom is hot

**Veronica:** wHAT

**Cheryl:** Excuse me??

**Toni:** is she single

**Veronica:** NO???

**Cheryl:** AND NEITHER ARE YOU

**Toni:** im just kidding lol

**Toni:** about the second part at least

**Veronica:** oh my god

**Betty:** lol.

**Toni:** betty ur mom is a total MILF too even tho she kinda scares me tbh

**Betty:** EWWWWW WHY!??

**Toni:** cmon babe back me up

**Cheryl:** Even though we're not technically related I refuse to comment on Alice Cooper

**Cheryl:** however.....

**Cheryl:** I can agree that Mommy Lodge is very attractive

**Veronica:** I HATE YOU BOTH

**Veronica:** WHAT KIND OF MOMMY ISSUES-

**Betty:** can we change the subject? please???

**Toni:** ok fine

**Toni:** mrs cooper can top me any day js

**Cheryl:** tONI

**Veronica:** ASDFGHLLKLGDKSS

**Betty:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Josie:** hey what'd I miss

**Josie:** ......

**Josie:** ffs toni

**Toni:** ;)

**Cheryl:** wait....

**Cheryl:** Toni have you seen Josie's mom

**Josie:** NO

**Toni:** YES

**Toni:** ALSO HOT

**Josie:** SHUT THE FUCK UP

**Veronica:** LMAOOOOOO

**Betty:** CAN WE PLEASE CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!

**Toni:** northside more like MILFside am i right

**_→  Veronica has kicked Toni from the chat ←_ **

**Cheryl:** hey! >:(

**Veronica:** you know she deserved that

**Josie:** I'm traumatized

**Cheryl:** Yeah but that doesn't mean you get to kick her out!

**_→ Cheryl has added Toni to the chat ←_ **

**Toni:** thx babe lol

**Cheryl:** <3

**Veronica:** you're on thin fucking ice Topaz

**_→ Toni changed their name to TOPaz ←_ **

**_→ Veronica has kicked TOPaz from the chat ←_ **

**Cheryl:** vERONICA

**Betty:** why am I friends with you guys.

**Veronica:** bc you love us :)

**_→ Cheryl has added TOPaz to the chat ←_ **

**TOPaz:** skjskdskj ily babe

**Josie:** toni why are you such a fuckboy

**TOPaz:** I AM NOT

**Veronica:** HDJKLGSKDS YES

**Cheryl:** Don't even deny it

**Toni:** bABE :(

**Josie:** oof ROASTED

**Betty:** wouldn’t it be fuckgirl?

**Josie:** omg betty ur ruining it

**TOPaz:** im neither a fuckboy or a fuckgirl

**Veronica:** yeah ur just a fuck

**TOPaz:** hEY

**Cheryl:** asdfghjkl

**Betty:** I’m ruining it? I don’t understand lesbians.

**Cheryl:** Shut your heterosexual mouth

**Veronica:** betty i love you but pls

**Josie:** we’re bi get your facts straight

**TOPaz:** haha “straight”

**Cheryl:** I’m the only lesbian here

**Cheryl:** And Toni is not a fuck anything

**TOPaz:** well….. ;)

**Veronica:** oh my god

**_→ Cheryl has kicked TOPaz from the chat ←_ **

**Cheryl:** …..

**Cheryl:** She’s in time out ok


	2. Ultimate Daddy™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica is thirsty. Josie, Betty, Cheryl, and Toni are hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!! I fixed the formatting so hopefully it looks better. Enjoy!

**Gays (and Betty)**

  
  


**Veronica:** guys

 **Veronica:** who is more daddy toni or betty

 **Veronica:** vote now on your phones

 **Cheryl:** Toni

 **TOPaz:** me

 **Josie:** toni

 **Betty:** what??

 **Veronica:** really? damn i was rooting for you betts

 **Cheryl:** How is that even a question

 **Betty:** how can i be “daddy”?

 **Cheryl:** You're not

 **TOPaz:** WHOOOOOOOOOSE YOUR DADDY???

 **Josie:** oh my god

 **Veronica:** i regret this already

 **Betty:** *who’s

 **Josie:** shut up betty

 **Cheryl:** Ron is thirsty for Betty

 **Veronica:** hasfhdsfhghgf shut up cheryl

 **Veronica:** love u betty <3

 **Betty:** aww love you too ronnie <3

 **TOPaz:** gay

 **Josie:** gay

 **Cheryl:** Gay

 **TOPaz:** nice lol

 **Veronica:** ok next question

 **Veronica:** who is more daddy me or toni

 **TOPaz:** you

 **Cheryl:** Toni

 **Josie:** you

 **Betty:** you.

 **Veronica:** nice :)

 **TOPaz:** hkddhfdfdj aw babe :’)

 **Josie:** hoes ARE loyal

 **Cheryl:** Are you serious

 **TOPaz:** obvi im very daddy but in this case veronica TOPS me

 **TOPaz:** get it lol

 **Cheryl:** I can't believe you

 **Josie:** ah fuck i cant believe youve done this

 **TOPaz:** noooo it was a joke babe i love you

 **Cheryl:** ……. I love you too

 **Betty:** awww

 **Cheryl:** Shut up Betty

 **Betty:**???

 **Cheryl:** Oh sorry I expected you to say something dumb lol

 **Veronica:** well now that its been decided that im the Ultimate Daddy™ everyone is this chat is now my girlfriend

 **Josie:** im cool w that

 **Betty:** ok lol.

 **TOPaz:** ……

 **Cheryl:** STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY GIRL LODGE

 **TOPaz:** to be fair she is also trying to steal my girl

 **Veronica:** IM NOT

 **Josie:** as your first official girlfriend act can you buy me food im starving

 **Veronica:** sure lol what do you want?

 **Josie:** chipotle

 **TOPaz:** o shit ur serious??

 **Veronica:** one of my gf perks ;)

 **Betty:** oh vee can you please get me a burrito bowl?

 **Veronica:** sure babe <3

 **TOPaz:** hhhhhhhh

 **Veronica:** something bothering you topaz?

 **TOPaz:** i want food :(

 **Veronica:** sorry i only buy my gfs food~

 **TOPaz:** cheryllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

 **Cheryl:** …….

 **Cheryl:** I want chipotle too…….

 **Veronica:** do u accept me as your daddy and gf?

 **Cheryl:** Fine

 **Josie:** lmao ur too much v

 **Veronica:** ok lol text me your orders and we can meet at bettys house or smthn

 **TOPaz:** YAY!!!!!

 **Betty:** Yes Veronica You Can All Come Over

 **TOPaz:** wait i dont actually kno where betty lives

 **TOPaz:** eh ill figure it out lol

 **Cheryl:** The things I do for love and free food

 **TOPaz:** :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 1 1/2 more chapters ready so I'll post 3 when I finish 4. Is that weird? Idk lol. Anyway thanks for reading!


	3. Enter: The Pussies!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choni is cute, the group pays Betty respects, and Toni meets The Pussycats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like a real group chat, this is a mess. But finally, The Pussycats! I love Valerie and Melody and I wish they got more screentime. In this universe, Cheryl never did that fucked up shit to Josie and broke up Josie and The Pussycats. Also I'm planning on introducing AN ACTUAL PLOT. Wild, I know right. Bear with me lol.  
> (Also thanks again to Bella for helping me come up with the og group's usernames!)

**⇒ Veronica changed the chat name to Vee’s Harem ⇐**

 

**Cheryl:** I can't with you

**Josie:** omfg

**Betty:** really Ronnie?

**TOPaz:** you guys need to change ur nicknames

**TOPaz:** ur boring

**_→ Josie changed their name to pussy ←_ **

**Veronica:** really

**_→ Veronica changed their name to hbic ←_ **

**Cheryl:** Ronnie are you delusional? I’m the hbic here

**hbic:** ;)

**Betty:** what should i change my name to?

**pussy:** i got it

**_→ pussy changed Betty’s name to lesbian ←_ **

**lesbian:** omg i’m not a lesbian guys!

**pussy:** thats not what ur name says :/

**Cheryl:** Hold on

**_→ Cheryl changed lesbian’s name to straight lesbian ←_ **

**hbic:** nice lol

**straight lesbian:** omfg.

**_→ Cheryl changed their name to mean lesbian ←_ **

**mean lesbian:** Now we match cousin!

**hbic:** wow queen of being self aware

**TOPaz:** more like queen of my HEART

**mean lesbian:** <3

**pussy:** bleh you two are two cute its making me sick

**hbic:** wanna come over so we can be bitter and single together

**pussy:** yes ma’am

**mean lesbian:** Oh rip betty

**straight lesbian:**??? i’m not single i’m dating jughead.

**TOPaz:** oh rip betty

**pussy:** press f to pay respects

**hbic:** f

**TOPaz:** f

**mean lesbian:** f

**straight lesbian:** …..

**straight lesbian:** you guys are mean.

**hbic:** sorry betty ily

**hbic:** hey babes we should have a sleepover

**pussy:** do you mean all of us or just betty

**hbic:** all of u

**hbic:** babes plural bc ur all my gfs

**mean lesbian:** Not this again

**TOPaz:** ayyyyyy

**TOPaz:** the best part abt going to rd high is getting to sleep over at all the rich people houses

**straight lesbian:** don’t you live with Cheryl?

**TOPaz:** only when my uncle locks me out lol

**pussy:** and they were roommates!

**hbic:** oh my god they were roommates

**mean lesbian:** I keep telling you you can stay as long as you like

**TOPaz:** nah its cool. dont want you getting tired of me ;)

**mean lesbian:** What are you talking about? I could never get tired of you babe <3

**hbic:** aw gay

**pussy:** well if you ever need another northside place to crash you can stay with me. my mom would never turn away a fellow black woman lol

**TOPaz:** ayyyyy thx pussy

**TOPaz:** thats nice bc theres like 5 black ppl in this wack ass town

**pussy:** ikr

**hbic:** wack

**pussy:** yall need to be less white

**straight lesbian:** sorry for being white?

**mean lesbian:** Shut up betty

**pussy:** omg speaking of toni have you met val and melody yet

**TOPaz:** i dont think so? most northsiders are afraid 2 talk 2 me lol

**_→ pussy has added Valerie and Melody to the chat ←_ **

**Melody:** what

**Valerie:** josie why did you add us to a chat called “Vee’s Harem”

**hbic:** hi guys

**Melody:** cheryl?

**mean lesbian:** HAHAHA I TOLD YOU LODGE

**Melody:** ah. hi veronica and cheryl lol

**straight lesbian:** hi Melody, hi Valerie.

**Valerie:** who is straight lesbian?

**Valerie:** wait let me guess. betty?

**pussy:** ding ding ding!

**straight lesbian:** omfg.

**TOPaz:** sup guys im toni topaz aka TOPaz aka the baddest bitch on the north AND southside

**mean lesbian:** Shut up you cried when we watched Coco yesterday

**TOPaz:** SKSKSDJSDJ WE BOTH CRIED IM NOT A MONSTER OK

**Melody:** oh youre cheryls gf lol

**hbic:** toni topaz, aka the biggest dork on the north and southside

**TOPaz:** HDGHSDGSHADGJ STOP MAKING ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF THE PUSSIES

**Valerie:** FDHFGDHFGDHF

**mean lesbian:** PUSSY*CATS* BABE

**pussy:** ASFHKHSGHSHDSGD

**hbic:** IM DYING

**Melody:** LMAAAOOOOO YUORE OUT OF POCKET

**_→ pussy changed Valerie’s name to pussy 2 ←_ **

**_→ pussy changed Melody’s name to pussy 3 ←_ **

**pussy 2:** number 2? i am my OWN pussy thank you very much!

**pussy 3:** why am i 3? this is why i have a complex you guys :(

**_→ pussy 2 changed their name to strong independent pussy ←_ **

**straight lesbian:** i’m crying! you guys are too funny XD

**hbic:** all this pussy talk but i am still not getting any :/

**pussy:** SHFDJFHDSGFDHSFGD

**mean lesbian:** vEORINCA

**TOPaz:** the snack that smiles back!

**_→ pussy has kicked TOPaz from the chat ←_ **

**pussy:** i regret everything

**_→ mean lesbian has added TOPaz to the chat ←_ **

**TOPaz:** pus-sy!

**mean lesbian:** bABE

**strong independent pussy:** WHAT IS GOING ON

**hbic:** oh shit welcome to our “queer ladies of riverdale” chat where we constantly kick out toni for being a fuckboy

**pussy 3:** oh wig! 

**TOPaz:** not a fuckboy :(

**hbic:** sorry, just a fuck

**_→ TOPaz has kicked hbic from the chat ←_ **

**TOPaz:** VENGEANCE


	4. Finding Toni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is in a gang, cousin bonding happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip Toni. Yeah idk lol

**Vee’s Harem**

  


**mean lesbian:** Does anyone wanna come over and watch finding nemo with me

**hbic:** AW CHERYL that is so cute

**mean lesbian:** SHUT UP Toni is MIA and I want to watch it with someone

**pussy:** sorry girl but the pussies have practice

**strong independent pussy:** dfhdfddfsfg stop calling us that

**pussy:** i cant we've been rebranded

**pussy 3:** how do i change my name

**hbic:** sorry i would but i have family stuff

**pussy 3:** seriously how do i change my name

**straight lesbian:** they wouldn’t tell me either

**pussy:** you have to keep it…… in remembrance of toni......

**mean lesbian:** STOP IT SHE’S NOT DEAD

**strong independent pussy:** isn’t she in a gang

**hbic:** rip toni

**pussy:** i wiiiiill remembeeer youuuuuuu

**mean lesbian:** STOP IT!!!!!

**→** **_pussy 3 changed their name to meloDIE ←_ **

**strong independent pussy:** nice lol

**straight lesbian:** I’ll come over Cheryl.

**mean lesbian:** Please do

**straight lesbian:** wow I expected you to make fun of me tbh.

**mean lesbian:** Under normal circumstances I would but actually it would be nice to hang out and bond as cousins

**pussy:** whoa who r u and what have u done with cheryl

**hbic:** maybe she died too

**mean lesbian:** STOP

**strong independent pussy:** in the aaaarms of an aaaaaaangel

**mean lesbian:** Oh my god

**mean lesbian:** I feel like I’m going to throw up

**pussy:** oh shit are you actually worried?

**mean lesbian:** YES

**hbic:** fuck im sorry cher we were just playing

**straight lesbian:** don’t worry i’m sure it’s just serpent business. jug told me he might be busy today

**mean lesbian:** I wasn’t worried before but nOW I AM

**straight lesbian:** leaving now

**strong independent pussy:** hey its ok, just because you don’t know where she is doesn’t mean she’s hurt or anything

**pussy:** yeah relax cher

**mean lesbian:** Don’t fucking tell me to relax Josephine!!!

**hbic:** whoa

**pussy:** damn

**mean lesbian:** Sorry its just

**mean lesbian:** The last time someone I loved went missing they actually were dead

**hbic:** shit

**pussy:** fuck

**meloDIE:** *it was at that moment, they knew they fucked up*

**strong independent pussy:** NOT THE TIME MEL

**hbic:** im so sorry cheryl. i never meant to upset you or bring up past trauma. i know toni is alright, ok?

**pussy:** im sorry too. i shouldn’t have said that dumb joke in the first place, but toni is a badass and she can take care of herself

**strong independent pussy:** i’m sorry too :(

**mean lesbian:** Thanks

**meloDIE:** im with josie and val rn do you want me to beat them up for you bby

**mean lesbian:** No but thanks Mel haha

**mean lesbian:** Betty is here and she brought snacks bless

**pussy:** straight lesbian to the rescue

**pussy:** ok love u cher bear but we have to practice

**hbic:** i gtg 2 ily babe xoxo

**mean lesbian:** Bye guys

 

 

* * *

 

 

**mean lesbian:** Toni finally called and she’s ok!!!

**hbic:** yay!!

**straight lesbian:** it was so cute, we were doing face masks and Cheryl got so excited that she accidentally slapped her face with her phone and got face mask everywhere lol.

**hbic:** awww that’s adorable

**mean lesbian:** Asdshdfh don’t expose me

**meloDIE:** just got done with practice YEET

**meloDIE:** ayyyy toni’s alive

**pussy:** glad she can still torment us with her fuckery

**strong independent pussy:** lmaoooo

**TOPaz:** heard you were talking shit

**hbic:** omfg

**TOPaz:** i am NOT dead, pls dont worry my gf like that

**mean lesbian:** <3 <3 <3 <3

**meloDIE:** and where have you been young lady?? we’ve been worried sick about you!

**TOPaz:** u kno, gang stuff, being a hooligan, general tomfoolery

**mean lesbian:** She was at a food drive

**TOPaz:** bABE

**straight lesbian:** yeah apparently the serpents help out every year.

**TOPaz:** so ur just gonna demolish my street cred like that. cool

**hbic:** thats so cute dshgdfhd

**pussy:** toni is a big softie what else is new

**mean lesbian:** I don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell me without being all cryptic

**TOPaz:** bc ur stubborn and i knew u would want to come

**mean lesbian:** Well yeah, I’m a serpent now, I want to be included in stuff like this

**strong independent pussy:** wait what

**meloDIE:** oh shit cheryls in a gang??? was i supposed to know this???

**TOPaz:** i didnt want u 2 come bc its deep in the southside and last year we got jumped by some ghoulies

**TOPaz:** nd before u say anything nothing happened 2day bc we brought more backup but i didnt want u getting hurt

**mean lesbian:** Aw babe <3

**meloDIE:** should i join a gang?? i feel like its not fair that cheryl gets to be in a gang

**pussy:** omfg mel no

**strong independent pussy:** someone come get their girl i s2g

**meloDIE:** wow ok way to bring up the fact that im single

**pussy:** bitch we’re all single

**straight lesbian:** Melody you’re single?? how? you’re so pretty.

**meloDIE:** aww thanks b

**mean lesbian:** “””straight””” lesbian

**strong independent pussy:** that’s lesbian activity

**hbic:** oooo get it betty

**straight lesbian:** umm I am straight? why can’t girls just compliment other girls?

**pussy:** bc ur gay lol

**TOPaz:** speaking of gays thx for taking care of my girl betty

**straight lesbian:** it was fun! right Cher?

**mean lesbian:** Yeah I actually like Betty now

**mean lesbian:** You’re my favorite cousin again

**straight lesbian:** :)

**pussy:** GASP

**meloDIE:** has hell frozen over???

**strong independent pussy:** cheryl being nice to betty? it’s more likely than you think

**pussy:** does this mean we all have to be nice to betty now????

**hbic:** yay two of my gfs finally getting along! :)

**mean lesbian:** HJDJSDGDSGF SHUT UP VERONICA

**TOPaz:** wait does this mean betty is also my gf

**mean lesbian:** TONI NO

**hbic:** TONI YES

**strong independent pussy:** this chat is a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl is Big Traumatized lol. But yeah, I hc that she has separation anxiety because of all the stuff that happened. Toni is a good gf tho. Also if you want to see my stuff before I upload it, or to just talk about Riverdale in general, join my lgbt riverdale discord server! https://discord.gg/Q6DWNEh


	5. Bettysitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Polly's existence is questioned, Cheryl and Toni get to babysit, and Josie is weirdly jealous of Archie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five chapters in and I finally mention Archie lol. I feel like the title for this one isn't very accurate but it was the best joke I could think of. Idek what I'm doing anymore lmao

**Vee’s Harem**

 

 **hbic:** this just in

 **hbic:** the puss(ies)ycats actually wear cat ears cuz theyre huge weebs

 **pussy:** i wont tolerate this slander!!!

 **strong independent pussy:** that’s actually true in mel’s case

 **meloDIE:** FOR THE LAST TIME LIKING SAILOR MOON DOESNT MAKE ME A WEEB

 **straight lesbian:** omg you like sailor moon too??

 **TOPaz:** asjdhsds fangs is a huge weeb he always tries to make me and sweet pea watch one punch man lol

 **mean lesbian:** What’s a weeb?

 **hbic:** oh you sweet summer child

 **meloDIE:** (◕‿◕✿)

 **strong independent pussy:** don’t start this shit again

 **mean lesbian:** Seriously what’s a weeb?

 **straight lesbian:** wow even I know haha.

 **TOPaz:** changing the subject. did u kno that cheryl is a cuddler

 **hbic:** yes

 **meloDIE:** thats so cute（☆ω☆*）

 **straight lesbian:** Mel i love that haha.

 **hbic:** we had a sleepover once and as soon as she fell asleep she turned into a koala

 **meloDIE:** @(・●・)@

 **hbic:** friendly reminder that i could have cuffed her first ;)

 **hbic:** ENJOY MY SLOPPY SECONDS HAHAHAHA

 **pussy:** adsjdhsdfhd y’all are wild

 **mean lesbian:** HEY!!!!!!

 **TOPaz:** FIGHT ME LODGE

 **strong independent pussy:** *grabs popcorn*

 **meloDIE:** fight fight fight! (=ﾟωﾟ)つ)ﾟ∀ﾟ)

 **straight lesbian:** XD

 **hbic:** you know i knocked out reggie with one punch, right?

 **TOPaz:** u can throw a punch but can u take one??

 **hbic:** im sure youre an expert in getting your ass kicked

 **strong independent pussy:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH

 **TOPaz:** bitch im in a gang. ive been kicking ass since the 1st grade babey!

 **pussy:** sorry vee but i dont think youre gonna win this one

 **mean lesbian:** Oh no,, please don’t fight over moi…..

 **meloDIE:** veronica is one punch man omg

 **strong independent pussy:** stop being a fucking weeb mel

 **hbic:** whose ass were you kicking in 1st grade lol

 **TOPaz:** sweet pea and fangs lol

 **mean lesbian:** Omg why

 **TOPaz:** well i punched sweet pea bc he stole my barbie, then i punched fangs bc he said “it probably didnt even hurt”. its how we became best friends lol

 **meloDIE:** top ten anime battles

 **TOPaz:** fdhdfhf ur such a fuckin nerd melofy i love it

 **pussy:** MELOFY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**_→ pussy changed meloDIE’s name to melofy ←_ **

**melofy:** BITCH

 **TOPaz:** BITCH

 **TOPaz:** ayyyyyy

 **hbic:** what is even happening anymore

 **mean lesbian:** Toni is gonna fight you for my honor

 **hbic:** eh its not really worth it :/

 **mean lesbian:** Wow rude

 **strong independent pussy:** damn i really wanted to see a fight

 **melofy:** (╯ಠ_ಠ）╯︵ ┳━┳

 **TOPaz:** where do u get those omfg

 **melofy:** ill send you the link lol

 **hbic:** i wanna go to pops, anyone wanna join me

 **pussy:** me

 **hbic:** btw i invited archie

 **pussy:** gIRL

 **straight lesbian:** I would but I have to babysit :(

 **mean lesbian:** How are my niece and nephew btw??? Polly never lets me see them >:(

 **strong independent pussy:** wait aren’t y’all related

 **mean lesbian:** ….yes but JASON AND POLLY DIDN’T KNOW!!!

 **straight lesbian:** we’re like 3rd cousins.

 **straight lesbian:** Cheryl why don’t you come over?  Polly obviously isn’t home and she doesn’t have to know

 **mean lesbian:** Really?!?! I knew you were my favorite cousin!!!!

 **TOPaz:** can i come 2? im already with cheryl lol

 **straight lesbian:** sure lol. it wasn’t really fair of Polly to leave me alone with two babies anyway.

 **melofy:** does polly even go to school anymore

 **strong independent pussy:** yeah i never see her

 **straight lesbian:** honestly? i don’t know what Polly does. she only ever talks about this weird farm she joined

 **strong independent pussy:** wtf how do you join a farm

 **TOPaz:** cheryl wants 2 kno what u wear “whilst” babysitting

 **straight lesbian:** clothes you don’t mind getting messy

 **TOPaz:** yeeeeeaaahhh ill just let her borrow some of mine lol

 **melofy:** how is she gonna fit youre like 2 inches tall

 **TOPaz:** SHUT UP MELOFY

 **pussy:** val mel come to pops w me

 **strong independent pussy:** ugh i don’t wanna put on pants

 **pussy:** come on we need to out number straight white archie andrews

 **melofy:** why

 **pussy:** bcuz if not all he does is flirt with veronica and talk about his terrible music

 **strong independent pussy:** and why would you have a problem with that????

 **pussy:** SHUT UP just come ok

 **strong independent pussy:** ugh fine but since i’m apparently a part of vee’s harem she better pay lol

 **pussy:** hurry up veronica is already there so im picking you both up in 10 minutes

 **strong independent pussy:** BITCH LET ME PUT SOME PANTS ON DAMN

 **melofy:** bye yall since apparently i have to get ready at the speed of sound to go be a cockblock

 **straight lesbian:** bye!

 

* * *

 

 **straight lesbian:** pic884383.png

 **hbic:** AWWWW SDSSHDHFDHFD

 **strong independent pussy:** that’s so cute wtf

 **melofy:** YOU LOOK LIKE LESBIAN MOMS OMG

 **straight lesbian:** Toni is surprisingly good with kids

 **straight lesbian:** Cheryl is predictably Not

 **melofy:** (人◕ω◕)

 **pussy:** omfg

 **hbic:** which one is she holding in the pic?

 **straight lesbian:** Dagwood

 **strong independent pussy:** i’m sorry WHAT????

 **straight lesbian:** yeah Polly named them Juniper and Dagwood. like I knew we were white but not that white lol.

 **melofy:** LMAOOOOO

 **straight lesbian:** are you guys still at pops?

 **pussy:** yeah with arcHOE

 **hbic:** dont be rude

 **strong independent pussy:** stop he’s not that bad

 **melofy:** you only say that bc you wanna jump on his dick

 **melofy:** OW SHE KICKED ME

 **TOPaz:** hey guys lol

 **TOPaz:** betty tried to teach cheryl how to change a diaper and it was hilarious lmao

 **melofy:** i can imagine

 **hbic:** i would have loved to see that lol

 **hbic:** btw betty jughead is also here but he refused to sit with us. hes sitting by himself with his computer

 **straight lesbian:** yeah that sounds like him haha.

 **melofy:** no offense girl but idk what you see in him. all he does is complain, mope, and eat burgers

 **straight lesbian:** there’s more to him than that…. plus he loves me.

 **pussy:** idk what veronica sees in archie

 **pussy:** his only personality trait is his abs

 **hbic:** in not interested in him in that way anymore omg

 **melofy:** theres so much jealousy and sexual tension here i cant breathe

 **pussy:** you’re one to talk

 **TOPaz:** are you guys all texting in front of him lol

 **melofy:** hes showing val vines on his phone its fine

 **hbic:** we were about head out anyway

 **strong independent pussy:** veronica didn’t even pay i’m breaking up the harem

 **hbic:** YOURE ONLY USING ME FOR FREE FOOD

 **TOPaz:** cheryls yelling at me to get off of my phone and help her lol gotta blast

**⇒ strong independent pussy changed the chat name to We’re Here We’re Queer ⇐ **

**melofy:** nice lol

 **hbic:** NOOOOOO MY HAREM

 **TOPaz:** NOOOOOO MY FREE FOOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't clear, the picture was of Toni and Cheryl holding Juniper and Dagwood. Also am I giving Toni more of a backstory in this shitty chat fic than the riverdale writers themselves? Yes I am. And fun fact: the melofy thing was an actual typo I made and I just went with it. Thanks for reading!


	6. Be Gay, Do Crimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica and Toni get into some shenanigans, Valerie crashes Betty and Melody's sleepover, and as always, Hermione Lodge is hot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added descriptions to the pictures so you know whats going on lol. Enjoy!

**We’re Here We’re Queer**

 

**hbic:** pic49483.png _(image description: Toni is frowning at the camera, her face all dirty and scraped up)_

**hbic:** look at this idiot

**mean lesbian:** VERONICA CECELIA LODGE WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY GIRLFRIEND

**strong independent pussy:** ouch

**straight lesbian:** what happened???

**hbic:** we were climbing over a fence when this dumbass decided to break her fall with her face

**TOPaz:** my foot got caught

**TOPaz:** and technically a bush broke my fall

**mean lesbian:** YOU SAID YOU NEEDED HER HELP RUNNING ERRANDS

**hbic:** i needed a guide to help me sneak around the southside

**melofy:** that looks painful rip

**TOPaz:** it is lol

**mean lesbian:** MY POOR BABY ARE YOU OK DO YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL

**TOPaz:** nah im good, v is patching me up

**mean lesbian:** I SWEAR IF TONI’S BEAUTIFUL FACE IS SEVERELY DAMAGED I WILL KILL YOU VERONICA

**TOPaz:** its not as bad as it looks once we cleaned off the blood and dirt

**pussy:** what were you even doing on the southside

**hbic:** recon

**strong independent pussy:** for what???

**strong independent pussy:** actually i don’t really care tbh

**TOPaz:** thats fair lmao

**hbic:** my mom caught me sneaking toni inside but its all good bc shes helping me with the first aid lol

**hbic:** OMG CHERYL CALLED TONI TO MAKE SURE SHES OK BUT THEN SHE STARTED YELLING AT ME

**hbic:** MY MOM IS RIGHT HERE AND CAN HEAR EVERYTHING LMAO

**hbic:** SHES TRYING NOT TO LAUGH

**hbic:** TONI LOOKS SO EMBARRASSED

**straight lesbian:** your mom is pretty cool tho.

**pussy:** yeah mama lodge is chill

**hbic:** CHERYL IS CHEWING MY ASS AND SPITTING IT OUT IM

**hbic:** OH

**hbic:** TONI FINALLY MANAGED TO SAY THAT MY MOM IS HERE

**hbic:** “hi mrs lodge, im very upset with your daughter”

**melofy:** this is more entertaining than the sailor moon marathon betty and i are having

**hbic:** oh gay?

**strong independent pussy:** don't tell me you’ve corrupted betty to your weebish ways

**melofy:** (*´∀｀）

**hbic:** ok cheryl finally hung up

**TOPaz:** that was mortifying

**TOPaz:** i just got yelled at by my girlfriend in front of my friend’s hot mom

**hbic:** well she mostly yelled at me

**hbic:** aND ENOUGH ABOUT MY MOM OR ILL TELL HER YOU THINK SHES HOT

**TOPaz:** PLEASE MY EGO CANT TAKE ANOTHER HIT TONIGHT

**mean lesbian:** I’m going to kill both of you

**TOPaz:** im sorry sweetheart, i tried to warn you

**melofy:** “sweetheart”???? asgkdsdsdsfd my arteries

**mean lesbian:** Ugh I forgive you

**mean lesbian:** Honestly I’m more upset that you got hurt

**hbic:** for a gang member toni is bad at crime

**TOPaz:** my shoe got stuck!!!!

**pussy:** did you at least complete your mission

**hbic:** ;)

**strong independent pussy:** honestly i’m surprised no one got more seriously hurt

**melofy:** this is what happens when chaotic bisexuals get together

**pussy:** hm.

**mean lesbian:** Well Toni I’m coming to take you home so if you’re ok please be ready so I don’t have to face Hermione Lodge lol

**hbic:** oh she was quite amused lmao

**straight lesbian:** by home do you mean your house? because if so that is so sweet.

**mean lesbian:** Yes

**melofy:** goals lol

**straight lesbians:** same.

**melofy:** betts and i ship #choni

**strong independent pussy:** since when did you two become so chummy?

**straight lesbian:** since we found out we both liked sailor moon haha.

**melofy:** =^∇^*=

**TOPaz:** wait shit i took my bike here

**hbic:** your hands are too scraped up theres no way youre riding it home

**mean lesbian:** Your hands too!!?!? Babe!!!!

**TOPaz:** dont worry my tongue still works ;)

**hbic:** sdjhdjfhdjkfhsd

**mean lesbian:** You know that’s not what I meant! >:(

**TOPaz:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**mean lesbian:** BABE!!!!!!

**hbic:** lmao i can keep the bike safe for you until someone can pick it up

**mean lesbian:** I should just leave you there

**TOPaz:** im sorry pumpkin i was just playing

**melofy:** “pumpkin”??? yall seein this shit????

**straight lesbian:** adorable.

**strong independent pussy:** toni stop being annoyingly charming challenge

**TOPaz:** (´ε｀ )♡

**strong independent pussy:** mEL

**melofy:** ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

**strong independent pussy:** can’t believe it a friday night and while my friends are doing crimes and making out with bushes and yelling at their girlfriends in front of their friend’s hot mom, i’m at home watching property brothers

**TOPaz:** that sounds lit tbh

**melofy:** well then come over and watch sailor moon with me and betty

**strong independent pussy:** as if that’s LESS depressing

**strong independent pussy:** wait are you having a sleepover at your house

**melofy:** yes

**straight lesbian:** come over it will be fun!

**strong independent pussy:** ugh its too far

**melofy:** its literally right next door you lazy ass

**hbic:** wheres josie? she hasnt really said much at all today

**strong independent pussy:** idk but she’s been in a really pissy mood all day

**strong independent pussy:** wow fake you’re gonna invite me over but not unlock the door

**melofy:** you know there was a literal serial killer in riverdale right

**strong independent pussy:** so let me in, tf!!!!!

**melofy:** coming lol

**straight lesbian:** well the serial killer was my dad but i knocked him out with a poker so...

**hbic:** we stan a badass!

**TOPaz:** cheryl is here YEET

**hbic:** walkin toni out YEET

**hbic:** AWWWWW CHERYL SCOOPED TONI UP IN HER ARMS AND IS NOW HOLDING HER FACE GENTLY

**melofy:** i love gays!

**straight lesbian:** awww.

**straight lesbian:** also Valerie just laid across Melody’s and my laps and fell asleep??

**melofy:** well what did you expect when you started rubbing her back

**straight lesbian:** what else was I supposed to do?

**hbic:** omg everyone gets to be all happy and gay while im getting made fun of by my mom :/

**pussy:** hm.

**hbic:** seriously what is your problem???

**pussy:** figure it out lodge

**melofy:** oh rip veronica

**straight lesbian:** rip.

**hbic:**??????

**TOPaz:** haha gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm I wonder why Josie is so upset???? And what were Ronnie and Toni doing on the southside???? We'll find out eventually.....  
> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated :)


	7. Fuck Jughead Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What you've all been waiting for...

**We’re Here We’re Queer**

 

**TOPaz:** b & v why did jughead just storm away from your lunch table

**hbic:** bc when i sat down i kissed betty on the cheek and said “hey baby”

**strong independent pussy:** wtf why was he mad you do that to all of us

**melofy:** yeah it makes me feel so loved

**hbic:** i tried to explain that

**straight lesbian:** even Archie defended us but he just said “forget it” and stormed off.

**melofy:** damn im sorry :( are you ok?

**straight lesbian:** yeah.

**melofy:** sending you hugs ⊂(´・ω・｀⊂)

**straight lesbian:** thanks Melody haha.

**pussy:** wow vee i didnt think you had the balls to steal jugs girl in front of him

**mean lesbian:** Jughead has always had a flair for the dramatic but this seems extra even for him

**TOPaz:** someone should probably go after him

**hbic:** fuck that he said some pretty rude/hurtful things to all of us. he can sulk by himself

**mean lesbian:** Yeah Archie looks pretty mad

**pussy:** i wish i could see whats happening

**TOPaz:** where r u pussies anyway??

**strong independent pussy:** we usually spend lunch in the rehearsal room

**TOPaz:** oh valid

**TOPaz:** i gotta sit with the serps, ya know :P

**TOPaz:** anyway betty im cOMING IN

**straight lesbian:** what? I sdhsgdsaew657343rs6r5eb5r653v

**pussy:** wait what

**strong independent pussy:** did she kill betty???

**melofy:** TONI??!?!?!?!?!???!?!?

**mean lesbian:** No my idiot girlfriend just tackle hugged her

**melofy:** ah yes the 3 constants of my day

**melofy:** 1\. cheek kiss from veronica

**melofy:** 2\. hug from betty

**melofy:** 3\. getting tackled by toni

**strong independent pussy:** lmaoooo remember that time toni tried to tackle josie but josie punched her in the throat

**pussy:** it was an accident ok!!!!

**hbic:** omfg i have a picture of that

**hbic:** pic5745456.png _(image description: Toni is on the ground holding her throat with one hand and giving a thumbs up with the other while Josie stands over her with her hands covering her mouth)_

**straight lesbian:** XD

**TOPaz:** worth it

 

* * *

 

**straight lesbian:** Jughead broke up with me.

**hbic:** i’m sorry baby :( are you ok?

**straight lesbian:** no.

**straight lesbian:** he took me to pop’s after school, and he got really frustrated because I said I didn’t understand why he was breaking up with me, and then he yelled that he never loved me.

**hbic:** eXCUSE ME WHAT!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

**pussy:** what an asshole

**TOPaz:** HE WHAT ILL KILL HIM

**melofy:** TIME TO GO ALL LEMONADE ON THIS BITCH

**strong independent pussy:** THAT SON OF A BITCH

**mean lesbian:** Wtf?!?!?! How dare he!!

**TOPaz:** IM LITERALLY ON MY WAY TO HIS TRAILER TO KICK HIS ASS

**hbic:** WAIT FOR ME

**straight lesbian:** pleasr dont

**hbic:** is it ok if i come over honey?

**straight lesbian:** yeag

**TOPaz:** im literally fuming

**melofy:** when i find jughead ლ(ಠ益ಠ)ლ

**straight lesbian:** hahaha…

**mean lesbian:** That’s the most depressing “hahaha” I’ve ever seen

**mean lesbian:** I’m coming over too

**TOPaz:** baby idk if that’s the best idea

**straight lesbian:** i dont wamt to be alone right noe its fine

**strong independent pussy:** wait a minute

**strong independent pussy:** you said he took you to pops but then stormed out, did he leave you there?

**straight lesbian:** yeah

**strong independent pussy:** AW HELL NAW

**pussy:** ARE YOU SERIOUS??????

**melofy:** I WILL KICK HIS ASS I S2G

**TOPaz:** JUGHEAD MORE LIKE DICKHEAD

**strong independent pussy:** SHITHEAD

**melofy:** …. fuckhead? is that a thing people say????

**straight lesbian:** my mom pickef me up

**straight lesbian:** sorry i keep makimg typos im crying a lot haha

**melofy:** i dont want to overwhelm you but can i come over too??? i need to give you the biggest hug :(

**TOPaz:** me 2 bc if i stay at the trailer park i will stab him

**straight lesbian:** yeah i need a lot of hugs

**strong independent pussy:** i’m coming too i suppose because mel doesn’t have a car

**melofy:** thank you val （´・｀ ）♡

**pussy:** well damn b whats your favorite snacks

**straight lesbian:** josie you dont have tp get me anything

**pussy:** girl please, just tell me

**straight lesbian:** doritos sour patch kids and oreosd

**mean lesbian:** Babe do you need me to pick you up

**TOPaz:** nah i got my bike vroom vroom bitches

**mean lesbian:** ……

**mean lesbian:** Whatever see you there

 

* * *

 

**straight lesbian:** thank you guys for all coming to help me even though its a school night.

**melofy:** of course b <3

**hbic:** yeah you know we always have your back <3

**straight lesbian:** sorry I just cried for most of the time haha.

**pussy:** oh girl its fine

**TOPaz:** yeah rubbing ur back when u cry is part of bein a friend

**straight lesbian:** seriously though, thank you guys. if you had told me a year ago that I would have six good friends that would come over and comfort me while I cried on my bed I wouldn’t have believed it.

**hbic:** aww betts :’) youre gonna make me cry ilysm

**melofy:** (っ*´∀｀*)っ

**mean lesbian:** <3

**TOPaz:** (人･㉨･)♡

**strong independent pussy:** yeah we’re here for you girl

**pussy:** i cant believe we all fit on that bed

**strong independent pussy:** well toni almost fell off lmao

**TOPaz:** SHUT YOUR MOUTH THATS BC YOU WERE HUGGING HER TOO HARD

**straight lesbian:** XD

**hbic:** aww theres the x d we all love so much

**strong independent pussy:** can you blame me group hugs are lit

**strong independent pussy:** don’t tell anyone i said that tho

**melofy:** already screenshotted~

**strong independent pussy:** bITCH

**straight lesbian:** you give the best hugs Val haha.

**strong independent pussy:** :)

**TOPaz:** not 2 change the subject but did ur mom seem like… less scary??

**mean lesbian:** Oh definitely. She was even nice to me and she hates me

**hbic:** yeah i noticed that too?

**TOPaz:** still hot tho

**hbic:** tONI

**mean lesbian:** BABE PLEASE

**pussy:** HSGDHSDGAHDGDKS NOT THE TIME

**melofy:** (눈_눈)

**strong independent pussy:** is she wrong tho

**_→_ _pussy has kicked strong independent pussy from the chat ** _←_**_ **

**pussy:** damn…. a fuckboy in my own band……

**TOPaz:** ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

**_→ hbic has kicked TOPaz from the chat ** _←_**_ **

**hbic:** thats enough of that

**pussy:** when will the fuckery end

**mean lesbian:** STOP KICKING MY GIRLFRIEND FROM THE CHAT YOU PLEBEIANS

**_→ mean lesbian has added TOPaz to the chat ** _←_**_ **

**melofy:** damn she really said fuck val lives

**hbic:** HDHSFGDSHFGSDHFSD

**pussy:** SKSKSSSKFDFKJ

**TOPaz:** ASLKDFGHSHJSGHS

**straight lesbian:** omfg add her back XD

**_→ TOPaz has added strong independent pussy to the chat ** _←_**_ **

**strong independent pussy:** wow y’all are fake

**strong independent pussy:** thanks toni you’re a real one

**TOPaz:** solidarity ('∀`)ゝ”

**straight lesbian:** omfg you’re making me laugh so much I love you guys <3

**melofy:** (✿ ♥‿♥)

**TOPaz:** i love u 2

**TOPaz:** u and ur hot mom

**_→ melofy has kicked TOPaz from the chat ** _←_** _ **

**pussy:** lmfao bye bitch

**melofy:** it had to be done

**mean lesbian:** … I can’t even defend her

**hbic:** val i can see you typing dont you fucking dare

**strong independent pussy:** YOU’RE ALL COWARDS

**strong independent pussy:** #ISTANDWITHTONI

**_→ hbic has kicked strong independent pussy from the chat ** _←_**_ **

**melofy:** the evil is defeated

**straight lesbian:** XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you want to scream in gay about riverdale with me you can find me on instagram @rivergaymemes or on tumblr at rapplequeen.tumblr.com !! I also have a riverdale lgbtq discord server so just message me on one of those places if you'd like to join ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ


	8. A Tale Of Two Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is a gentleman, and Veronica is a fuckboy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm so inconsistent with posting fjhdghdkgh. But this was one of the chapters I was most excited to write ;)  
> Enjoy!

**We’re Here, We’re Queer**

 

**straight lesbian:** Toni what did you do?

**TOPaz:** ur gonna have 2 b more specific that can apply to a lot of things

**straight lesbian:** Jughead said you attacked him?

**TOPaz:** wtf no i didnt

**TOPaz:** i just threw a rock at him

**TOPaz:** and then i told sweet pea and fangs what he did

**TOPaz:** and then they also threw rocks at him

**hbic:** omfg

**mean lesbian:** I was there and I too threw a rock at him

**melofy:** so are we stoning jughead now?

**strong independent pussy:** PLEASE say yes

**pussy:** im down

**hbic:** why are you even talking to him?

**straight lesbian:** he texted me

**straight lesbian:** “i know you hate me but you didn’t have to have toni attack me”

**strong independent pussy:** what a dick

**melofy:** fuck him honestly

**TOPaz:** yeah thats y i threw the rock lol

**pussy:** #stonejughead

**straight lesbian:** please, I just want to move on honestly.

**mean lesbian:** Aww, not even a little bit of revenge?

**hbic:** if betty doesnt want us to slash jugheads tires we have to respect her wishes

**hbic:** right betty?

**straight lesbian:** I said no, Veronica.

**hbic:** damn :/

**melofy:** are you sure you dont wanna fuck up your old date spots or something?

**strong independent pussy:** yeah lets go lemonading

**straight lesbian:** we never really went on dates…

**mean lesbian:** What??!?!?!?

**straight lesbian:** well besides pop’s.

**mean lesbian:** Pop’s doesn’t count!!!!!! Everyone goes to Pop’s all the time!!!!!!!!!!

**hbic:** yeah jug practically lives there already wtf

**pussy:** oof no wonder youre such a repressed lesbian

**straight lesbian:** I’m not. and we went to the movies once.

**hbic:** didnt you take him for his bday

**straight lesbian:** … yes.

**TOPaz:** so youve never been on an actual date????

**melofy:** oh my god girl you shouldve dropped him a long time ago

**strong independent pussy:** ^^^^

**hbic:** im actually going to kill him you deserve to be treated like the princess you are

**melofy:** i agree (✾♛‿♛)

**mean lesbian:** So T.T. and I were discussing and we had an idea

**TOPaz:** you should let me take you on a date

**mean lesbian:** You should let Toni take you on a date

**TOPaz:** i thought i was gonna say it

**mean lesbian:** It sounds better when I say it

**pussy:** what is happening

**melofy:** so yall are swinging now?

**mean lesbian:** NO!!!!

**mean lesbian:** Strictly platonically of course. Just so you could see how a girl is supposed to be treated

**strong independent pussy:** so you’re just whoring out your gf huh

**mean lesbian:** NO!!!!

**hbic:** thats a good idea actually. i support you dating toni lol

**mean lesbian:** Not dating!!!!!

**straight lesbian:** don’t you always call Toni a fuckboy?

**hbic:** im just messing with her, toni is great

**TOPaz:** im a perfect gentleman

**pussy:** toni is actually really charming and sweet

**strong independent pussy:** yeah toni is a sweetheart

**TOPaz:** AJKSDGDSFHJSGSK YOU GUYS <3

**strong independent pussy:** i mean she has to be bc she deals with cheryl lol

**mean lesbian:** Hey!!!!

**TOPaz:** dont disrespect my girl val (｀ε´)

**melofy:** damn can toni take me out too lmao

**mean lesbian:** I’m starting to regret this…..

**straight lesbian:** I’m straight though…

**pussy:** debatable

**hbic:** thats why this is a great idea. toni is a great girlfriend AND boyfriend

**TOPaz:** ;)

**straight lesbian:** I don’t know, it feels weird to go on a date with my cousin’s girlfriend.

**mean lesbian:** **PLATONIC DATE

**mean lesbian:** And you have my blessing. Just try not to fall in love with her lol

**straight lesbian:** I promise you I will not.

**TOPaz:** wow rude

**straight lesbian:** ok fine, let's do it.

**TOPaz:** nice! ill text u privately lol

**melofy:** wow cher im surprised youre ok w this

**mean lesbian:** I trust Betty, and if she’s as straight as she claims it won’t be a problem

**strong independent pussy:** i’m interested to see how this all turns out lol

**hbic:** damn betty’s getting some before me :/

**mean lesbian:** No she’s not!!!

**hbic:** i wanna go on a date

**pussy:** so take me out, tf

**strong independent pussy:** OMG SHE’S FINALLY GOING FOR IT

**hbic:** are you serious? i will

**pussy:** do it pussy

**hbic:** hey youre the only pussy here. dont think i wont

**pussy:** so are we doing this or not lodge???

**hbic:** oh absolutely. i’ll pick you up at 8. wear something nice

**strong independent pussy:** this is amazing

**pussy:** fine, see you then

**hbic:** good

**pussy:** good!

**mean lesbian:** …… What just happened

**melofy:** josie just bullied ronnie into asking her out lmao

**strong independent pussy:** this night is gonna be a disaster i love it

 

 

* * *

 

 

**TOPaz:** OH MY GOD GUYS

**TOPaz:** I JUST LEFT THE RESTAURANT WITH BETTY

**TOPaz:** AND WE SAW VEES CAR IN THE PARKING LOT

**TOPaz:** AND INSIDE HER AND JOSIE ARE MAKING OUT

**straight lesbian:** OH MY GOD SHSDFHSDKH

**straight lesbian:** JOSIE IS ON TOP OF VERONICA

**straight lesbian:** THERE’S SO MUCH GROPING

**strong independent pussy:** GJFGHDFHFKSAHSFLH GET SOME JOSIE

**melofy:** HDGSDGSHGD LMAOOOOOO

**mean lesbian:** This is… not surprising at all

**mean lesbian:** And stop spying on them you pervs

**melofy:** how was the date lol

**straight lesbian:** it was good! until now haha.

**TOPaz:** should i knock on the window sksdkfhdfd

**strong independent pussy:** omfg yes please do

**mean lesbian:** No! What are you even doing right now?

**straight lesbian:** we’re sitting in your car but.

**straight lesbian:** I think she should. it’s getting…. indecent.

**melofy:** OH THEY FUCKIN

**strong independent pussy:** OH THEY FAWKIN

**mean lesbian:** ASDFGHJKL

**TOPaz:** IM GOING OVER

**straight lesbian:** OMG THEY BOTH JUMPED VERONICA ALMOST DROPPED JOSIE

**straight lesbian:** TONI IS RUNNING AWAY BUT I CAN HEAR THEM BOTH SCREAMING

**strong independent pussy:** who needs reality tv

**straight lesbian:** Toni is driving now but she told me to tell you that “Make Me Feel” by Janelle Monae was playing, “which is like, the gayest song” XD

**melofy:** YAAAASSS LOVE THAT SONG

**strong independent pussy:** SJDSHDJKSHDKSG YES

**mean lesbian:** Omg that’s so gay

**pussy:** YALL

**hbic:** HRJSDGFHDSGHSFGSDHGSDKFGSDKFGSKSGGHSJDK

**melofy:** did you keep the receipt i think veronicas broken

**pussy:** probably cuz i just blew her mind but w/e

**strong independent pussy:** HOESIE

**mean lesbian:** OMG JOSIE

**straight lesbian:** XD

**pussy:** andwhataboutit?.gif

**mean lesbian:** Did you even go to your date????

**hbic:** we made it to the parking lot

**hbic:** we were doing that flirty/fighty banter when josie jUMPED ME

**hbic:** not that i minded ;)

**strong independent pussy:** veronica is the true fuckboy

**straight lesbian:** Toni just dropped me off at home. you’re right she is the perfect gentleman lol.

**TOPaz:** :)

**mean lesbian:** DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE BABE

**mean lesbian:** But yes, much better than bonehead right?

**straight lesbian:** shit my mom saw Toni drop me off and now she wants to talk to me

**melofy:** oh shit

**mean lesbian:** Oh shit. If it goes badly you can stay with me and Toni

**hbic:** wait what

**hbic:** i will fight alice cooper if i have to

**strong independent pussy:** #prayforbetty

**straight lesbian:** omg

**straight lesbian:** she said “honey I want you to know that it’s ok if you’re a lesbian, you’re my daughter and I love you just the same.” I told her I was straight and explained the situation. she still seemed surprised though.

**melofy:** GOOD

**hbic:** good i stopped making out with josie for this

**strong independent pussy:** WE STAN HOT MAMA COOPER

**mean lesbian:** VALERIW

**mean lesbian:** Anyway that’s good! I would have given anything for my mom to say anything remotely similar

**TOPaz:** aww babe <3

**mean lesbian:** I SAID DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE

**TOPaz:** IM AT A STOPLIGHT CALM UR TITS

**hbic:** aw cher <3 josie and i will be your moms now

**pussy:** one almost date and suddenly we have a kid, ok

**mean lesbian:** No that’s weird I had a huge crush on both of you

**pussy:** what???

**hbic:** wait what

**mean lesbian:** Omfg you didn’t know???

**strong independent pussy:** it was so obvious

**melofy:** i think we ALL knew

**straight lesbian:** yeah even I could tell lol.

**hbic:** damn i guess i am as oblivious as josie says

**strong independent pussy:** well i’m glad you finally figured it out, i was tired of hearing josie bitch lmao

**pussy:** hEY

**pussy:** screw this there are more pressing matters rn

**pussy:** like me in ronnies lap for instance

**hbic:** thats my cue, bye everyone!

**strong independent pussy:** oh get some

**straight lesbian:** omfg

**melofy:** congrats on the fucc

**mean lesbian:** MEL ASDFGHJKL

**TOPaz:** and THAT kids, is how you treat a girl right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've peaked. Nothing I ever write will be funnier than the line "did you keep the receipt i think veronicas broken". And "HOESIE". Where do I come up with this stuff? I must be smoking the same crack that the riverdale writers are lmao  
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated! :)


	9. LET'S GO LESBIANS!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The serpents have heelies, Josie and Veronica get kinkshamed, and a new friend joins the chat!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler chapter, however its a long one. What can I say, I wanted to give the serpents heelies lmao. Anyway, enjoy!

**We’re Here We’re Queer**

 

 **melofy:** hey gays

 **melofy:** just got tackled in the hallway

 **melofy:** if cheryl dont get her girl i s2g

 **mean lesbian:** Oh my god

 **pussy:** shes a menace we gotta put a bell on her or smtn

 **straight lesbian:** lol.

 **hbic:** she hasnt tackled me yet

 **strong independent pussy:** me neither and she bETTER NOT

 **melofy:** i like how none of us are actually saying her name lmao

 **pussy:** we dont want to accidentally summon her

 **hbic:** she who shall not be named

 **mean lesbian:** Oh my god she’s not fucking Voldemort!!

 **TOPaz:** ;)

 **straight lesbian:** hi Toni lol.

 **strong independent pussy:** AH SATAN

 **strong independent pussy:** cheryl come collect your womans

 **mean lesbian:** I don’t know where she is???

 **TOPaz:** YOU FUCKERS CANT STOP ME AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **TOPaz:** not you tho cheryl ily bby <3

 **strong independent pussy:** SHES RUNNING PAST THE COMPUTER LAB BETTY STOP HER

 **straight lesbian:** why me????

 **strong independent pussy:** BC YOURE THE ONLY ONE THAT’S TALL AND STRONG ENOUGH

 **TOPaz:** NYOOM

 **hbic:** DOES SHE HAVE FUCKING HEELIES

 **mean lesbian:** TONI WE AGREED NOT TO WEAR THEM IN SCHOOL

 **melofy:** WAIT WHAT

 **hbic:** DO SWEET PEA AND FANGS HAVE HEELIES TOO????

 **straight lesbian:** XD

 **hbic:** SDHDSGDHJGJSGSHFSHH

 **hbic:** TONI HEELIED RIGHT INTO CHERYLS ARMS

 **hbic:** TRUE LOVE DOES EXIST

 **melofy:** oh shit look out guys weatherbee is heading that way

 **mean lesbian:** Fear not for I have collected my woman and I am taking her to class

 **TOPaz:** busted :/ but one day i WILL ride again

 **pussy:** Omg what is this?

 **pussy:** Mean lesbian? Straight lesbian? Melofy???

 **strong independent pussy:** what

 **pussy:** This is Kevin btw I have Josie’s phone

 **pussy:** I’m offended that you have a queer group chat and didn’t invite me

**_→ pussy has added Kevin to the chat ←_ **

**straight lesbian:** hey Kev!

 **hbic:** sorry kev it was just us wlws

 **strong independent pussy:** give j back her phone bitch

 **Kevin:** I did, chill lol

 **pussy:** FINALLY

**_→ pussy changed Kevin’s name to bitchass boy ←_ **

**bitchass boy:** HEY!!!!

 **pussy:** THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR STEALING MY PHONE YOU LITTLE TWINK

 **melofy:** sdfhdgfhkdgfdhfk

**_→ bitchass boy changed their name to twunk ←_ **

**twunk:** Excuse you I am a twunk, which is a combination of twink and hunk!!!

 **mean lesbian:** Twink twank twunk who cares you shouldn’t be here!!!!

 **hbic:** JDFHSDFKHDFJH

 **straight lesbian:** omfg XD

 **mean lesbian:** Lesbian and bi girls only!! And whatever Valerie is

 **strong independent pussy:** i’m either bi or pan, idk. i just know i’m queer lol

 **twunk:** What about wlw and mlm solidarity?

 **mean lesbian:** I don’t even know what that means

 **TOPaz:** shes a baby gay cut her some slack

 **hbic:** lets put it to a vote. all those in favor of kevin staying say yay, all those opposed say nay

 **straight lesbian:** yay

 **pussy:** NAY

 **hbic:** yay

 **mean lesbian:** Nay!!!!

 **melofy:** yay

 **strong independent pussy:** eh what the hell

 **strong independent pussy:** yay

 **twunk:** Yay! So it’s settled, I get to stay :)

 **hbic:** wait toni didnt vote

 **TOPaz:** …….

 **TOPaz:** i want to say yay but i dont wanna be put in girlfriend jail

 **mean lesbian:** I’m not THAT petty :(

 **mean lesbian:** Ugh whatever Keller you can stay

 **melofy:** get your asses to your classes the bell is about to ring

 **TOPaz:** nice rhyme

 **TOPaz:** you should make that a song lyric

 **strong independent pussy:** i’m the songwriter and i will

 **pussy:** oh my god

 **twunk:** I love it here already

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **melofy:** the gay agenda 23878_86467.mp4 _(video description: Cheryl and Toni are holding hands while heelying down the hallway; Cheryl is yelling, “Move, I’m gay!!!” Fangs and Sweet Pea roll in front of them screaming, “Let’s go lesbians let’s go!!!”)_

 **straight lesbian:** oh god lol.

 **hbic:** cheryl has heelies too???? wtf

 **pussy:** im-

 **strong independent pussy:** the raw chaotic energy from that video is fueling me

 **twunk:** I love it

 **twunk:** You guys are so lucky it’s the end of the day lmao

 **straight lesbian:** yeah you guys are so lucky that you haven’t been caught.

 **hbic:** jugrat is upset bc they didnt include him lmao

 **pussy:** rip

 **straight lesbian:** rip :/

 **twunk:** We don’t like Jughead right?

 **strong independent pussy:** hell naw

 **twunk:** GOOD I’m tired of having to tolerate him lmao

 **hbic:** honestly? same

 **melofy:** press f to pay respects

 **pussy:** f

 **hbic:** f

 **straight lesbian:** f

 **strong independent pussy:** f

 **twunk:** F

 **TOPaz:** f

 **mean lesbian:** F

 **TOPaz:** we made it outside YEET

 **twunk:** Wait a second!

 **twunk:** Did my little eye just spy a Miss Veronica Lodge flirting with a Miss Josephine McCoy???

 **pussy:** nope

 **hbic:** your eyes deceive you

 **straight lesbian:** read the messages from friday Kev lol.

 **melofy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **twunk:** Okay

 **mean lesbian:** Heelies are gay culture now, I just decided

 **TOPaz:** gay serpent culture

 **twunk:** JOSIE???? VERONICA??????

 **twunk:** YOU GUYS FUCKED AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME???????

 **strong independent pussy:** hkfhdhfdfhd

 **pussy:** ok hold on no one said anything about fucking

 **hbic:** not yet anyway ;)

 **pussy:** ugh i forgot you were a fuckboy

 **strong independent pussy:** ew

 **strong independent pussy:** anyway MEL WHERE ARE YOU

 **melofy:** IM COMIG DAMN

 **strong independent pussy:** HURRY UP IF YOU WANT A RIDE HOME WITH ME AND TREV

 **hbic:** haha and then what?

 **pussy:** oh my god i hate you so much i cant believe im gonna have sex with you

 **hbic:** well you dont have to

 **pussy:** no im gonna

 **straight lesbian:** what is happening lol.

 **hbic:** well in that case would you like a ride home miss mccoy?

 **twunk:** I’m offended but also riveted

 **pussy:** oh i would definitely like a ride miss lodge

 **melofy:** im kinkshaming

 **strong independent pussy:** MEL IF YOU DON’T HURRY YOUR ASS UP

 **strong independent pussy:** and good for you josie but im also kinkshaming no sexting in the groupchat

 **straight lesbian:** choni is making out in the parking lot….

 **melofy:** as they should and yES VAL IM ALMOST THERE

 **twunk:** Wow there’s a nice lesbiance here today

 **straight lesbian:** XD

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **mean lesbian:** Important question

 **mean lesbian:** Should I join a roller derby team?

 **TOPaz:** NO

 **twunk:** Yes!

 **hbic:** no omg

 **pussy:** do you enjoy having teeth? if so no

 **melofy:** ^^^^^

 **strong independent pussy:** i think you should go for it!!!!!

 **TOPaz:** VAL KEV SHUT UP

 **TOPaz:** DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER

 **straight lesbian:** Cheryl I don’t think it’s a good idea, roller derby is dangerous.

 **mean lesbian:** So am I, tf?

 **melofy:** lesbians can be very dangerous

 **mean lesbian:** Also thank you Kevin and Valerie for being the only true friends in this group chat!!! Kevin I no longer protest your existence here and Val you just moved a step higher than Melody on my scale of how much I like people

 **melofy:** kdsjdfhdsfj fAKE

 **strong independent pussy:** wait i was BELOW mel????

 **hbic:** asdkhfdfgd

 **TOPaz:** babe please just bc you can heelie doesnt mean you can roller derby

 **mean lesbian:** I could and I’d be great at it

 **pussy:** do you really, genuinely believe that cher?

 **twunk:** I for one would love to see Cheryl Blossom on a roller derby team

 **strong independent pussy:** same

 **TOPaz:** fkhdgfgd see theyre supporting you not bc they think you can do it but bc theyre agents of chaos

 **twunk:** Hey I’m true neutral at WORST

 **strong independent pussy:** you can do it cheryl!!1!

 **melofy:** very convincing val

 **straight lesbian:** are there even any roller derby teams around here??

 **mean lesbian:** Yes in Centerville I checked

 **hbic:** ew centerville is a dump

 **TOPaz:** i never thot id regret getting heelies…..

 **pussy:** wow really? you never considered this might backfire?? shocking

 **TOPaz:** hsdhkdghsksk vee come get ur girl

 **hbic:** whoa whoa whao

 **strong independent pussy:** “whao”

 **pussy:** who said i was her girl????

 **melofy:** arent you guys fuckin

 **pussy:** you mean now or

 **twunk:** Hsgfhsf I’m LIVING

 **mean lesbian:** Veronica and Josie both have commitment issues what else is new. Can we get back to what’s important in this convo aka me??

 **hbic:** HEY NOW

 **straight lesbian:** HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF

 **melofy:** YOURE AN ALLSTAR

 **strong independent pussy:** YOU’RE AN ALLSTAR

 **hbic:** everyone one in this chat is my gf remember? including kevin now

 **hbic:** hkfgdhfgdfg betty you are so valid i love you mel and val youre cursed

 **strong independent pussy:** NO I BROKE UP THE HAREM BC YOU WOULDN’T BUY ME FOOD

 **hbic:** SDGFDDFHG WE WERE WITH ARCHIE ILL BUY YOU FOOD NEXT TIME

 **strong independent pussy:** ok proceed

 **twunk:** Idk what’s happening but I love it

**⇒ hbic changed the chat name to Vee’s Harem: The Sequel ⇐ **

**pussy:** oh my god

 **pussy:** anyway veronica and i arent dating we’re just friends

 **straight lesbian:** press x to doubt

 **melofy:** x

 **strong independent pussy:** x

 **twunk:** X

 **TOPaz:** x

 **TOPaz:** friends dont stick their tongues down each others throats josie

 **hbic:** damn betts whered you learn to meme like that

 **melofy:** val and i have been tutoring her lol

 **TOPaz:** btw cheryl is pouting bc everyone stopped paying attention to her lol

 **mean lesbian:** Sshut upp

 **strong independent pussy:** oh right i forgot, roller derby!!!!

 **twunk:** Yes do it!!!

 **TOPaz:** i s2g if u 2 convince her to do it and she gets hurt i will cut ur respective genitals off

 **strong independent pussy:** i’m not scared of you

 **hbic:** you should be

 **straight lesbian:** yeah you’ve never seen her threaten a man twice her size at knifepoint :/

 **twunk:** I’m a wrestler I think I’d be good lol

 **TOPaz:** yeah well i fight dirty

 **mean lesbian:** Full offense but you wouldn’t stand a chance against my traitorous girlfriend

 **melofy:** val could take you

 **strong independent pussy:** SHUT UP i don’t want to fight toni fskjhjsd

 **pussy:** val would cuddle you to death

 **strong independent pussy:** SHSHJGFHSGFHD STOP

 **mean lesbian:** I can take her watch this

 **straight lesbian:** ……?

 **hbic:** wh… what did you do?

 **mean lesbian:** I put her phone on the top shelf

 **melofy:** OOOOOHHHH

 **twunk:** How the mighty have fallen!

 **strong independent pussy:** rest in pieces you pink haired bastard


	10. Josie Siwa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val and Toni bond, Veronica is freakishly strong, and Jojo Siwa is mentioned, because why not???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another filler chapter because I just make this shit up as I go along lmao  
> Also I should have said this like,, way earlier but I am a Dumb Bitch so. This takes place at around the beginning of season 3, but I said "fuck you" to canon so all the stuff I didn't like in season 2, like Cheryl stalking Josie or Archie getting arrested. Season 1 is all canon in this fic but season 2? I took a pair of scissors to it and cut all the bad stuff out. You're welcome.

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

 **strong independent pussy:** ugh

 **strong independent pussy:** i am so over archibald andrews

 **TOPaz:** girl what he do

 **strong independent pussy:** like he’s hot but he’s so DUMB

 **strong independent pussy:** he has no common sense WHATSOEVER

 **strong independent pussy:** also it’s like 3 am on a school night what are you doing up

 **TOPaz:** um?? u literally texted first i could ask u the same thing lol

 **strong independent pussy:** fair

 **strong independent pussy:** is everyone else asleep?

 **TOPaz:** i think so

 **TOPaz:** y r u up?

 **strong independent pussy:** couldn’t sleep. texted archie and he told me some dumb shit which led me to here lol. you?

 **TOPaz:** nightmares :/

 **strong independent pussy:** damn i’m sorry. you wanna talk about it?

 **TOPaz:** not really lol. tell me about archie

 **strong independent pussy:** you sure?

 **TOPaz:** yeah, talking 2 u is actually helping me

 **strong independent pussy:** ok well tell me why this boy just asked me “why can’t women hold their period?”

 **TOPaz:** jskhgfdghkhak wHAT

 **strong independent pussy:** RIGHT

 **strong independent pussy:** all that muscle but no brain. damn shame smh

 **TOPaz:** omg i cant believe ronnie actually dated him

 **strong independent pussy:** girl…. i dated him too lmao

 **TOPaz:** wait really????

 **strong independent pussy:** yeah i dated him before vee. i actually broke up with him because of YOUR gf lol

 **TOPaz:** wait WHAT??????

 **TOPaz:** HOW

 **TOPaz:** WHY

 **strong independent pussy:** i think you’re gonna have to ask cheryl for her side of the story. looking back i realize there were other factors at play that i didn’t know about

 **TOPaz:** thats…. oddly cryptic but ok

 **TOPaz:** anyway ur clearly not missing much lol

 **strong independent pussy:** YEAH lmfao

 **strong independent pussy:** idk why i’m talking to him now i guess i was just feeling lonely but gUYS ARE SO DUMB

 **TOPaz:** well if youre tired of guys i know at least two girls in this chat who are single….

 **strong independent pussy:** what ew

 **strong independent pussy:** well not ew but that would be weird

 **TOPaz:** which one ( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉)

 **strong independent pussy:** stop omg

 **strong independent pussy:** and idk,, both would be weird ig

 **TOPaz:** ok ill stop hjhgfhgkh

 **TOPaz:** i was gonna go 2 bed anyway, thx for talking with me

 **strong independent pussy:** no problem, goodnight tiny toni

 **TOPaz:** goodnight val pal

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **hbic:** awwww thats cute

 **pussy:** i ship #valeroni

 **strong independent pussy:** khfdjhfjkfhd stop

 **mean lesbian:** No!!!!

 **melofy:** (ｏ´_｀ｏ)

 **straight lesbian:** lol.

 **TOPaz:** y r u like this

 **hbic:** real talk who in here would date toni if they had the chance

 **melofy:** me

 **strong independent pussy:** i mean…

 **pussy:** perhaps…

 **straight lesbian:** if she was a guy maybe?

 **twunk:** Same Betty lol

 **hbic:** so thats a yes from all of us

 **mean lesbian:** ASDFGHJKL BACK OFF MY GIRLFRIEND YOU VULTURES

 **TOPaz:** ghgdhsgfgadkk

 **TOPaz:** i am flattered,, but i love my gf

 **mean lesbian:** <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 **mean lesbian:** Baby… why didn’t you wake me up when you had a nightmare??

 **TOPaz:** i didnt want 2 bother u

 **mean lesbian:** You’re not going to bother me, okay? I love you

 **TOPaz:** ok, love u 2 <3

 **melofy:** guys pls this is cute but its too early for this mushy shit

 **pussy:** agreed, barf

 **TOPaz:** sHuT uP PUSSY

 **twunk:** This is all very entertaining but I have to get ready, see you all at school

 **strong independent pussy:** same

 **straight lesbian:** me too, see you guys at school!!!

 **pussy:** bye bitches

 **hbic:** lmfao

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **TOPaz:** WHEN WAS SOMEONE GONNA TELL ME VERONICAS A PRO WRESTLER

 **hbic:** >;3

 **straight lesbian:** wait what?

 **melofy:** america eggsplain

 **pussy:** oh god lmfao

 **twunk:** Well seeing you run into class late with your hair all messed up I assumed you were making out with Cheryl but now I’m wondering

 **TOPaz:** always assume im making out w cheryl 4 future reference

 **strong independent pussy:** that is NOT what i just saw lmao

 **mean lesbian:** Wait what happened

 **mean lesbian:** Do I need to shoot someone

 **pussy:** NO

 **melofy:** whoa coming in a little strong there j

 **straight lesbian:** don’t you mean “whao”

 **melofy:** jhfhjshjs yES BETTY

 **strong independent pussy:** i saw it with mine own eyes

 **strong independent pussy:** toni was being a lil shit as usual and tried to tackle veronica

 **TOPaz:** vAL NO

 **strong independent pussy:** but v saw it coming and got toni in a headlock

 **strong independent pussy:** and just fuckin

 **strong independent pussy:** noogied toni

 **melofy:** SKJDJFKHFKSH

 **twunk:** LMAOOOOOO

 **pussy:** I WAS THERE IT WAS HILARIOUS

 **straight lesbian:** that’s so cute! XD

 **mean lesbian:** Babe… I’m embarrassed for you Veronica is even shorter than you are

 **TOPaz:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **TOPaz:** @ VERONICA HOW R U SO STRONG

 **hbic:** bc…. i must carry the weight of my father’s sins on my back…..

 **melofy:** damn thats heavy. pun intended

 **mean lesbian:** I know the feel :/

 **hbic:** jk lmao i just am ;)

 **twunk:** Oh my god Toni is so red it’s adorable

 **TOPaz:** SHUT UP IM NOT ADORABLE HJFHFGDHSGSHGG

 **mean lesbian:** Awww yes you are :)

 **hbic:** so adorable

 **straight lesbian:** (*´ω｀*)

 **strong independent pussy:** NOT BETTY TOO FFS MEL

 **pussy:** so smol

 **TOPaz:** HHFDJSH SHUT UP JOJO SIWA YOURE THE SAME HEIGHT AS ME

 **pussy:** UM EXCUSE YOU WTF

 **hbic:** asdhdfkdfh

 **straight lesbian:** jojo siwa is tall though…

 **melofy:** taller than any of us….

 **strong independent pussy:** taller than kevin even……

 **twunk:** She is Too Tall… she must be stopped

 **melofy:** only the avatar, master of all 4 elements can stop her

 **strong independent pussy:** but when the world needed him most, he vanished

 **mean lesbian:** Who the fuck is jojo siwa

 **hbic:** the firelord apparently

 **TOPaz:** im gonna have new nightmares about firelord josie siwa 2nite

 **pussy:** i genuinely hate you all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to include this in the chapter but I just... didn't lol, but Toni had a nightmare because she was reading about serial killers before bed. (Remember when she actually had a personality and said that she liked true crime???)
> 
> I joined stan twitter which was... mildly regrettable,, but if you want to join me/yell at me there my handle is @melodytopaz! Thanks for reading :)


	11. TOPaz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new friend joins the chat! Cheryl gets outed as a nerd and a bottom, and Veronica is a fuckboy AGAIN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G&G actually stands for Gays and Group chats. This chapter is dedicated to Lila, who held me at gunpoint until I added her favorite character. (Fgdhjgskjg jk ily)
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy!

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**twunk:** Hey guys would it be cool if I added my friend?

**pussy:** no

**twunk:** Idc I’m adding her anyway

**_→ twunk has added Ethel to the chat ←_ **

**straight lesbian:** hi Ethel!

**Ethel:** Hello!

**mean lesbian:** OH HELL NO!!!!!!! 

**_→ mean lesbian has kicked Ethel from the chat ←_ **

**hbic:** wtf cheryl???

**strong independent pussy:** strange reaction but i’m vaguely intrigued 

**twunk:** Cheryl!!!!

**_→ twunk has added Ethel to the chat ←_ **

**twunk:** Sorry about her Ethel, welcome to the chat!

**mean lesbian:** And goodbye 

**_→ mean lesbian has kicked Ethel from the chat ←_ **

**twunk:** CHERYL!!!!!!!

**melofy:** what is happening lmao

**_→ twunk has added Ethel to the chat ←_ **

**_→ mean lesbian has kicked Ethel from the chat ←_ **

**twunk:** CHERYL WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM

**mean lesbian:** This group chat is for wlw only!!!! I barely allowed you!!!

**TOPaz:** babe please, just let her in

**_→ twunk has added Ethel to the chat ←_ **

**_→ mean lesbian has kicked Ethel from the chat ←_ **

**_→ twunk has added Ethel to the chat ←_ **

**_→ mean lesbian has kicked Ethel from the chat ←_ **

**pussy:** oh my god i cant believe i have to intervene since yall are acting like babies

**pussy:** cheryl im taking away your kicking privileges 

**mean lesbian:** NOOOOO

**TOPaz:** wait this is your gc? i thought it was ronnies lol

**pussy:** i just let her pretend it is ;)

**pussy:** go ahead and invite her kev

**hbic:** hey! >:(

**strong independent pussy:** the drama…. i’m on the edge of my seat

**twunk:** Fucking finally

**_→ twunk has added Ethel to the chat ←_ **

**Ethel:** Oh… hello.

**hbic:** hi sweetie! hows it going??

**mean lesbian:** Well if she’s here I’m not going to be

**_→ mean lesbian has left the chat ←_ **

**straight lesbian:** … 

**TOPaz:** dont worry, i’ll take care of it

**twunk:** … Anyway, welcome Ethel!

**Ethel:** I’m… confused. Why is Cheryl so against me being here?

**strong independent pussy:** oh its probably about that thing that we do

**twunk:** Yeah lmao

**Ethel:** Ohhh haha.

**Ethel:** I don’t know why she’s so embarrassed by it.

**melofy:** wait what?? what are you talking about?????

**hbic:** i have no idea

**pussy:** me neither but clearly cheryl wants something to remain private

**_→ TOPaz has added mean lesbian to the chat ←_ **

**TOPaz:** behave

**mean lesbian:** I don’t want to talk to her!!!!

**TOPaz:** seriously cheryl, stop. you’re being rude

**melofy:** oh damn

**mean lesbian:** Ugh fine

**strong independent pussy:** oh??? *top*az making an appearance???????

**mean lesbian:** ASDFGHJK SHUT UP VALERIE 

**TOPaz:** cheryl.

**mean lesbian:** I’m sorry….

**straight lesbian:** oh wow

**hbic:** ive never seen cheryl actually listen to anyone she must be whipped

**TOPaz:** veronica pLEASE youre not helping

**hbic:** sorry daddy- i mean toni

**TOPaz:** JKSHDJFHDKFJDHDH

**strong independent pussy:** HGHDGFHJSDGFJS

**melofy:** ASDGDJFGDHJGFJS

**_→ pussy has kicked hbic from the chat ←_ **

**pussy:** anyway

**twunk:** Yup, just a typical day in the group chat!

**straight lesbian:** XD

**Ethel:** Hahaha!

**TOPaz:** i am going to fuckinf kill vwronica

**strong independent pussy:** j how long are you gonna leave her out she keeps texting me to let her back in lmao

**pussy:** at least a few minutes

**TOPaz:** WELL CHERYLS THROWING A TANTRUM BC OF HER SO TELL HER THANKS A LOT YOU FUCK

**melofy:** if you dont get your bottom under control

**mean lesbian:** I AM NOT HAVING A TEMPER TANTRUM AND I AM NOT A BOTTOM!!!!

**strong independent pussy:** oh sweetie….

**pussy:** oh honey… 

**Ethel:** There’s no shame in being a bottom, Cheryl!

**mean lesbian:** SHUT UP DJFDHFDH

**twunk:** You know what? I’m just gonna rip the bandaid off right now. The reason that Cheryl is so against Ethel being here is because Ethel is the DM for our d&d group and Cheryl doesn’t want Ethel to expose her for the horny nerd she is 

**mean lesbian:** SHDGSJFGSDHFDGFHJSDGFHJFGDFGDHFGJFGDJHDGGFHJFDG

**melofy:** …. thats it?

**strong independent pussy:** d&d is cool and gay now, get with it cher

**pussy:** wow that reveal was disappointing 

**straight lesbian:** who’s in the group with you?

**Ethel:** Me, Kevin, Cheryl, Valerie, and Fangs!

**TOPaz:** theres really no need to be embarrassed babe

**mean lesbian:** hhhhhhhhhhh

**_→ straight lesbian has added hbic to the chat ←_ **

**hbic:** FINALLY

**pussy:** BETTY!!!

**straight lesbian:** sorry!! she asked me to add her back and I felt bad (〃´∀｀)

**hbic:** betty you are my BEST FRIEND and i LOVE YOU the rest of you are FAKE

**strong independent pussy:** hkjjshfhd sorry girl but you can’t just call another girl daddy and expect there to not be consequences

**hbic:** it was A JOKE I WAS MAKING FUN OF CHERYL

**pussy:** hm.

**twunk:** It’s actually really cute how into the game Cheryl is. She even drew all our characters and everything

**Ethel:** Yeah they’re really good, look!!

**Ethel:** image04.jpeg  _ (image description: itls a drawing of all of their characters. use your imagination lol) _

**mean lesbian:** HHHHHHHHHHHHH

**straight lesbian:** wow that’s really good!!!

**hbic:** wow im impressed! good job cher!!!

**pussy:** yeah youre really talented!

**TOPaz:** i remember her drawing these! she worked so hard it was so cute (●♡∀♡)

**melofy:** (゜ロ゜) so good!

**melofy:** can you draw anime? 

**strong independent pussy:** mEL CAN YOU STOP BEING A WEEB FOR 2 SECONDS

**mean lesbian:** Aaaa thank you…. 

**mean lesbian:** (and yes Melody I can)

**melofy:** (⊙ꇴ⊙)

**pussy:** dear god 

**melofy:** if you like drawing characters, could i make a request?

**mean lesbian:** Maybe

**mean lesbian:** Text me

**straight lesbian:** omg i know what she’s gonna ask XD

**strong independent pussy:** i better not be included in this 

**hbic:** are we just gonna ignore cheryl denying being a bottom

**Ethel:** Apparently haha. 

**pussy:** are we also gonna ignore ethel admitting shes a bottom by proxy?

**Ethel:** Hahaha yes.

**_→ melofy changed Ethel’s name to ethylene ←_ **

**hbic:** wait whats ethylene lol

**mean lesbian:** A highly flammable gas

**TOPaz:** its a highly combustible gas

**pussy:** ….. do i wanna ask why you both know that

**melofy:** you two are perfect for each other lmao

**twunk:** Isn’t anyone curious as to what Cheryl is like playing d&d

**strong independent pussy:** horny on main lol

**mean lesbian:** NOOOOOOOO

**ethylene:** Gosh, I have to stop her from trying to fuck every female monster!!

**hbic:** sfhdjfhdfh

**mean lesbian:** WHAT’S THE POINT OF PLAYING A FANTASY GAME IF YOU CAN’T FUCK MONSTERS

**straight lesbian:** i can’t believe Ethel just said “fuck” lol.

**strong independent pussy:** you should hear her when she get annoyed with us lmao

**pussy:** ok im kinkshaming

**TOPaz:** i support ur monsterfucking babe

**twunk:** Awww look at Toni being a supportive top!!

**mean lesbian:** SHSDHJSFHSKFHF SHUT uP

**mean lesbian:** THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE THAT ARE VALID ARE ME, TONI, AND MAYBE BETTY

**strong independent pussy:** um what about me it’s literally in my name

**strong independent pussy:** val(id)erie

**melofy:** val you are so *val*id 

**straight lesbian:** :D

**hbic:** im hurt

**pussy:** noah fence ronnie but youre only valid sometimes

**pussy:** when youre not being a fuckboy

**hbic:** OUCH. BETRAYED BY MY OWN GIRL

**TOPaz:** i thot u said u werent dating ( ͝סּ ͜ʖ͡סּ)

**hbic:** um

**hbic:** youre all my girls remember

**hbic:** including you now ethel 

**ethylene:** Fun!

**twunk:** Wow Cheryl what happened to gay/lesbian solidarity?

**mean lesbian:** YOU dEStrOYED IT WHEN YOU EXSPOSEF ME 

**mean lesbian:** ETHEL’S NOT EVEN A WLW!!!!!

**ethylene:** I’m bi!

**hbic:** nice! 

**melofy:** m o r e  o f  u s (≖ᴗ≖✿)

**mean lesbian:** Oh really? Sorry 

**mean lesbian:** BUT STILL I DON’T NEED YOU HERE EXPOSING ME AND KEVIN YOU ARE DEAD TO ME 

**twunk:** K, bye lol

**strong independent pussy:** did anyone notice that josie hasn’t said anything since veronica called her her girl, or more importantly, denied josie being her girl

**melofy:** oh shit 

**straight lesbian:** you better call magnolia bakery Vee…..

**hbic:** s hit. i gotta go

**ethylene:** Wait I’m confused, are Josie and Veronica dating?

**TOPaz:** yes and no lol

**TOPaz:** btw hi lol! i dont think weve officially met, im toni topaz

**ethylene:** I remember you from the musucal!

**TOPaz:** ...rIGHT SORRY THERE WERE SO MANY NEW PEOPLE AND I DIDNT REALLY KNOW ANYONE

**ethylene:** It’s ok haha! Cheryl talks about you all the time!

**TOPaz:** awwwww….. thats gay

**mean lesbian:** I sure am!

**ethylene:** Hahaha I think I’m going to like it here. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So all that iffy stuff with Ethel in s2 just. Didn't happen. Like most of the bad stuff lol.
> 
> Y'all aren't ready for the next chapter. Hell, I'm not ready because I haven't even finished it yet lol. Anyway thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	12. A SILF By Any Other Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni tries her hand at matchmaking. A not so shocking revelation happens, ft a special guest!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a doozy. Get ready y'all  
> Also you may have noticed that this fic is tagged Betty/Melody. That's what I'm going for, but I might do something different. We shall see ;)

**_→ TOPaz has added mean lesbian, hbic, pussy, twunk, and ethylene to the chat ←_ **

**_⇒ TOPaz has named the chat get valerie a gf ⇐_ **

**TOPaz:** gUYS

**pussy:** god toni what

**TOPaz:** THIS IS IMPORTANT 

**TOPaz:** wait did u and ronnie work out ur issues

**hbic:** none of your business but yes, and we all have issues lets MOVE ON 

**mean lesbian:** T.T. what is the point of this?

**TOPaz:** rIGHT

**TOPaz:** i was talking 2 val and i used my amazing people skills™ to deduct that she has a crush on either melody or betty 

**twunk:** Oh???

**TOPaz:** bUT I CANT TELL WHICH 

**TOPaz:** WHICH IS WHY YOURE ALL HERE 

**twunk:** I do love matchmaking but unfortunately I have no idea who Val is crushing on

**hbic:** i didnt even know she had a crush

**ethylene:** Yeah, as far as I know Valerie doesn't really talk about these kinds of things.

**pussy:** well… idk if its gonna help but i know for a fact that mel has had crush on val since like, 6th grade

**hbic:** well shit. betty obviously has a crush on mel 

**mean lesbian:** Ugh I hate love triangles

**hbic:** WAIT HOL UP BETTY IS TEXTING ME

 

**Private Message: Betty to Veronica**

 

**Betty:** Vee can I tell you something?

**Veronica:** sure b, whats up?

**Betty:** well you know how everyone says I’m not straight and calls me a lesbian?

**Veronica:** yeah?

 

**get valerie a gf**

 

**hbic:** GUYS ITS HAPPENING 

**mean lesbian:** What’s happening?????

**hbic:** HOLD ON EVERYBODY SHUT UP

**pussy:** excuse me

**hbic:** not you sorry

 

**Private Message: Betty to Veronica**

 

**Betty:** well……

**Betty:** they might possibly be correct?

**Veronica:** !!!!!!!!

**Veronica:** im so happy for you!!!!

**Betty:** please don’t tell anyone, I want to come out in my own time 

**Veronica:** of course!!!!

 

**get valerie a gf**

 

**hbic:** nmv false alarm lol

**TOPaz:** cmon v fOCUS

 

**Private Message: Betty to Veronica**

 

**Betty:** thanks Vee :D

**Veronica:** no prob!!! love you betts <3

**Betty:** also… I have another confession.

**Veronica:** oooo dish bish

 

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**melofy:** i sent a meme over an hour ago and not a single keysmash this is racist

**strong independent pussy:** maybe because you were sPAMMING THEM 

**strong independent pussy:** but yeah the chat has been really silent today

**melofy:** weird… 

**strong independent pussy:** my something-is-up-dar is going off…. something is up

 

**get valerie a gf**

 

**TOPaz:** THEYRE ONTO US GO KEYSMASH

 

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**twunk:** Ahsgahdgsdhgdhjgd

**pussy:** dfhfhgsdgd

**ethylene:** Hahahaha!

**mean lesbian:** Jkskjdkjdsdjksjddhf

**hbic:** HKDSGFHDSFGSDHFGDSHDSFJDGFFGDHFGDJS

 

**get valerie a gf**

 

**TOPaz:** NOT ALL OF YOU

**TOPaz:** and v i think ur over selling it a little 

**hbic:** SO MUCH IS GOING ON GIVE ME A BREAK

 

**Private Message: Betty to Veronica**

 

**Betty:** I think I have a crush on Melody...

**Veronica:** awwww!!!!! thats so cute!!!!

**Betty:** I just 

**Betty:** she’s so pretty and funny and sweet and whenever I’m around her my heart starts pounding and I don’t know what to do

**Veronica:** thats the cutest thing i’ve ever heard 

 

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**strong independent pussy:** ok thats not suspicious at all

**melofy:** what is with you guys? 

**TOPaz:** we’re chaotic gays what do you expect

**twunk:** Speak for yourself lmao

**ethylene:** I think I’m a lawful bi haha.

**pussy:** im neutral bi

**hbic:** im chaotic bi lol

**TOPaz:** me too

**mean lesbian:** Does that make me a chaotic lesbian?

**twunk:** Yes

**strong independent pussy:** i guess i’m chaotic pan lmao

**melofy:** what am i?

**pussy:** somewhere between neutral and chaotic bi lol

**twunk:** I’m lawful gay

**strong independent pussy:** bitch you’re neutral at best and you know it 

 

**Private Message: Betty to Veronica**

 

**Betty:** I want to tell her but I’m nervous

**Betty:** I wouldn’t even know what to say

**Veronica:** babe take your time, you havent even come out yet

**Betty:** you’re right. what am I gonna say to my mom? she did all the hard work for me and I basically un-came out to her lol.

**Veronica:** just tell her “about what you said before, you were right”. moms love that lol

**Betty:** and what about Polly?? ugh this is all so stressful 

**Veronica:** dont stress so much hon, its gonna be ok

 

**get valerie a gf**

 

**hbic:** hey guys we should set up betty and melody

**TOPaz:** um

**TOPaz:** did you not READ the name of this gc

**TOPaz:** its called get VALERIE a gf

**pussy:** personally im team mel/val

**mean lesbian:** Really? I would think you’d be against your bandmates dating

**pussy:** hell no i’ve been rooting for them for years lol

**ethylene:** I think they would be really cute together!

**twunk:** …. Is now a bad time to say that I ship Betty/Valerie

 

**Private Message: Betty to Veronica**

 

**Betty:** you know what? I’m just gonna do what Kevin said and rip the bandaid off

**Veronica:** what do you mean?

**Veronica:** betty??? what are you gonna do?

 

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**straight lesbian:** I’m a lawful lesbian

**hbic:** HSDGSHJSGJ BETTY!!!!!!

**pussy:** OMG SHE FINALLY ADMITTED IT 

**twunk:** BETTY!!!

**melofy:** FUCJ DUDE YOU SURE ARE (*≧∀≦*)

**strong independent pussy:** JDHGDJKGHSDKJFGHSFHGFKSJGFHKSGKSAFJGJKFLDLJ

**mean lesbian:** YES BETTY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ADGJDHGJKDHGJ

**ethylene:** Congrats Betty I’m so proud of you!!!

**TOPaz:** YES BETTY GO OFF

**pussy:** I TOLD YALL

**melofy:** BITCH SHUT UP LET HER HAVE HER MOMENT

**straight lesbian:** I just wanted to tell you guys because you’re my friends and you deserve to know.

**straight lesbian:** also because I know Veronica was just dying to tell you all lol.

**hbic:** hey i wouldnt have told!!

**pussy:** babe you almost did lol

**twunk:** “Babe”??????

**melofy:** IM CRYING IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU 

**strong independent pussy:** ^^^^^

**straight lesbian:** thanks! :D

**mean lesbian:** BETTY

**mean lesbian:** DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS 

**mean lesbian:** WE’RE BOTH THE GAY COUSIN

**straight lesbian:** oh I guess we are, haha! 

 

**get valerie a gf**

 

**twunk:** Are we sure Melody doesn’t like Betty?

**TOPaz:** did you see the length of vals keysmash? i think she likes betty

**pussy:** I WAS RIGHT 

**mean lesbian:** SHUT UP JOSIE WE ALL KNEW 

**ethylene:** I’m with Toni. I think Val likes Betty.

**hbic:** but she hasnt really said anything?

**pussy:** exactly! val would be making fun of anyone else for being so dense, but she hasnt said a word

**twunk:** So let me get this straight. Val likes Betty, but Betty likes Mel, and Mel likes Val?

**TOPaz:** theres nothing straight about it but yeah seems like it

**mean lesbian:** Ugh I HATE love triangles 

 

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**_→ pussy changed straight lesbian’s name to lesbian lesbian ←_ **

**lesbian lesbian:** omfg XD

**_→ melofy changed lesbian lesbian’s name to nice lesbian ←_ **

**TOPaz:** dhjfhdfjsdgfjkd

**mean lesbian:** I feel like this was directed at me

**mean lesbian:** Why does veronica get to be hbic???

**hbic:** it stands for “head bi in charge”

**mean lesbian:** I’m the hlic then

**twunk:** Hgic?

**pussy:** no…

**nice lesbian:** I want a new username… what should it be?

**hbic:** hold on i got 

**_→ hbic changed nice lesbian's name to bett on it ←_ **

**bett on it:** omg I love high school musical XD 

**→ mean lesbian chanced their name to hlic ←**

**strong independent pussy:** that's gonna be confusing 

**hbic:** VERY original cher

**hlic:** I don't know what you're talking about 

**pussy:** yeah no

**_→ pussy changed hlic's name to bottomshell ←_ **

**bottomshell:** HEY

**melofy:** HJHFJFHDKFHDHFGD

**bottomshell:** WHY CAN’T I CHANGE IT?!?!?!?!?

**ethylene:** Hahaha!

**pussy:** sorry bombshell, i locked it so no one can change your name ;)

**bett on it:** sORrY cHeRyL BomBsHeLL mY SPeCiALtY iS iCe

**hbic:** SJDHSK BETTY

**strong independent pussy:** i’m sorry what

**_→ bottomshell has left the chat ←_ **

**TOPaz:** her dramatic ass i s2g

**_→ TOPaz has added bottomshell to the chat ←_ **

**TOPaz:** now everybody shut up about it

**strong independent pussy:** nice to know romance isn’t dead

**ethylene:** Anyway, what are everyone’s plans for tonight?

**twunk:** Netflix and crying

**pussy:** ...you good kev? 

**twunk:** No

**hbic:** im taking betty out for a congratulatory dinner at pops!!!

**bett on it:** you are???

**hbic:** oh thats right i forgot to ask you

**hbic:** betty, can i take you to pops for a congratulatory coming out dinner?

**bett on it:** sure haha!

**TOPaz:** val and i were gonna hang out tonight but maybe we can swing by?

**strong independent pussy:** yeah sure, if that’s cool

**ethylene:** Cheryl and I will be there working on our campaign!

**melofy:** wait what campaign

**bottomshell:** For d&d, keep up Melody

**pussy:** well i DID have plans but SOMEONE just cancelled our date without even telling me

**hbic:** sHIT IM SORRY JOSIE

**pussy:** i will forgive this one time because your best friend just came out and we’re all very proud of her

**strong independent pussy:** wow you’re a terrible girlfriend vee

**bett on it:** Josie why don’t you join us?

**hbic:** yes why don’t you you beautiful and gracious goddess

**pussy:** … perhaps

**hbic:** josie…. 

**pussy:** fine

**melofy:** i have no plans bc im a loser（；へ：）

**twunk:** Mood

**strong independent pussy:** just come to pops since we’re all going to be there anyway lmao

**TOPaz:** im buying betty a milkshake! so proud of u bby uwu

**bett on it:** (ﾉ∀`♥)

**hbic:** i think we’re ALL buying betty a milkshake

**ethylene:** That’s a lot of milkshakes!

**melofy:** yeah and betty you gotta drink them ALL

**bett on it:** oh geez

**pussy:** ronnie youre picking up my tab for blowing off our date

**hbic:** of course j <3

**twunk:** The amount of money I spend at Pop’s… Idk how Pop isn’t a millionaire yet lol

**TOPaz:** maybe he is 

**strong independent pussy:** excuse me sir i’d like to see your tax returns

**melofy:** val… tf you talking about

**bottomshell:** Betty as your cousin and the only other lesbian here I’m gonna order you an extra special milkshake

**bottomshell:** Do you think Pop can make a rainbow shake??

**melofy:** lesbian flag shake….

**bottomshell:** MELODY YOU’RE A GENIUS I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU

**ethylene:** What time are you guys going to be there?

**hbic:** umm 7? is that good for you guys?

**bett on it:** 7 sounds good!!

**twunk:** Ok see you guys there 

**bottomshell:** Bye

**TOPaz:** shes still pouting lol

**bottomshell:** SHUT UP 

 

 

* * *

 

**bett on it:** I came out to my mom and Polly.

**bett on it:** and then I threw up.

**pussy:** omfg

**melofy:** i told you not to drink all those milkshakes!

**strong independent pussy:** um bitch weren't you chanting “chug chug chug!!!”

**melofy:** shut up we all were skgjhgjf

**hbic:** are you ok??

**bottomshell:** What happened???

**ethylene:** I feel bad about ordering a milkshake for you now…

**twunk:** How did they take it???

**TOPaz** : well we know alice is cool

**strong independent pussy:** hot cool mom 

**TOPaz:** *high fives*

**pussy:** i will kick you two out i swear to god

**bett on it:** I'm not sure, they were too busy with the vomit.

**hbic:** oh god 

**bottomshell:** If either of them say shit to you they’ll have to answer to me

**TOPaz:** and me

**strong independent pussy:** and me

**melofy:** and me

**hbic:** and me, obvi

**ethylene:** Me as well!

**twunk:** And me

**pussy:** me too ig

**bett on it:** im jhbfd

**melofy:** betty??? you good?????

**bett on it:** Hi everyone! Polly here. I just wanted to let you all know that you have nothing to worry about. I just told Betty that I love her and accept her no matter what. So while I appreciate the support on behalf of Betty, you can put the pitchforks down haha :)

**melofy:** wholesome…

**hbic:** hi polly! is betty ok?

**hbic:** this is veronica btw lol

**bett on it:** Betty is fine! She’s just tired after throwing up 8 milkshakes lol

**bottomshell:** Hi Polly. It’s Cheryl, your cousin

**bett on it:** Hi Cheryl, I know who you are haha 

**bottomshell:** Oh really, so you’re just a fake bitch then?

**TOPaz:** cHERYL

**strong independent pussy:** DJSHFJDSHFDJSFH

**twunk:** So sorry about her Polly

**pussy:** gfhdgfhjgf

**bett on it:** What do you mean Cheryl???

**bottomshell:** I mean the fact that you’ve been ignoring my texts for months!!! I wanted to see my niece and nephew!!!

**bett on it:** Oh I got rid of my phone, since it was just a material possession and therefore a distraction :)

**pussy:** shes all new agey now, remember

**hbic:** jOSIE

**TOPaz:** cheryl, you should apologize for calling her a fake bitch

**bottomshell:** Ugh, I’m sorry I called you a fake bitch or whatever

**bett on it:** It’s okay!

**melofy:** hi polly

**ethylene:** Hello Polly!

**bett on it:** Hi… Melody? And Ethel?

**melofy:** i just want to be included

**bett on it:** Anyway I should probably go before Betty yells at me for taking her phone haha. But don’t worry, Betty has my full support, plus this wasn’t exactly a surprise ;)

**pussy:** i told yall it was obvious lol

**twunk:** Omg

**bett on it:** omg sorry about that guys.

**strong independent pussy:** that was funny lmao

**ethylene:** I can’t believe Toni got Cheryl to apologize!

**bottomshell:** SHUT UP

**TOPaz:** anyway im glad polly was so supportive

**strong independent pussy:** you don’t know this but she’s also hot lmao

**bett on it:** VAL NO

**TOPaz:** a silf?????

**bottomshell:** TONI

**twunk:** ADJKFHDJKFHDFJHD

**melofy:** SSJKDSSKKS

**strong independent pussy:** YES

**ethylene:** Wait, “silf”? I don’t get it?

**TOPaz:** sister i’d like to…

**_→ bett on it has kicked TOPaz from the chat ←_ **

**hbic:** BETTY DHJGHGFJSGJ

**melofy:** gone… like a silf in the wind

**strong independent pussy:** mel i have never loved you more

**bottomshell:** I HATE YOUJFHDJHDJKHDGJKHGJKH

**twunk:** JASDFGHJLKJHSD

**ethylene:** Hahahaha!

**strong independent pussy:** a silf by any other name would smell as sweet… 

**hbic:** so polly would were she not polly called……… 

**_→ bett on it has kicked melofy from the chat ←_ **

**_→ bett on it has kicked strong independent pussy from the chat ←_ **

**_→ bett on it has kicked hbic from the chat ←_ **

**bett on it:** I’ll add them back in when they learn their lesson

**pussy:** never a dull moment in rivergayle 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew... dare I say,, plot??
> 
> Also Evelyn is Polly's funky fresh girlfriend but you didn't hear that from me.


	13. Pet Rock Squad (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are broken, in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in forever!! I've been super unmotivated but I'm back!!! Get ready for more group chats, and now *gasp* time stamps!!! Also minor angst haha whoops

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**hbic:** can i copy someone’s bio homework?

**ethylene:** I’ll help you with it!

**bottomshell:** No

**strong independent pussy:** bold of you to assume i did the homework

**bett on it:** sure!

**TOPaz:** wait we had homework??

**melofy:** im not even in that class

**pussy:** read at 10:36 pm

**hbic:** really josie

**twunk:** image01.png image02.png image03.png image04.png  _ (image description: just imagine bio homework) _

**hbic:** THANK YOU KEVIN YOU ARE A GODSEND 

**twunk:** You are not the first person to ask me for it believe it or not

**hbic:** EVERYONE ELSE CAN CHOKE

**pussy:** ahem

**hbic:** except you xoxo :)

**melofy:** oh, gay?

**bett on it:** awww :)

**ethylene:** You two are adorable.

**TOPaz:** can someone say “whipped”?

**TOPaz:** also just gonna snag that hw real quick thank u kev

**bottomshell:** Toni do your homework!!

**hbic:** shut UP 

**pussy:** i mean…. 

**strong independent pussy:** just admit that you guys are dating lol

**hbic:** ok

**hbic:** josie and i are dating!!!!

**melofy:** *pretends to be shocked*

**twunk:** You mean you haven’t been for the past several weeks??

**pussy:** we just made it official today, but we’re keeping it on the dl for now bc i’m not out to my mom yet so like,,, shut your mouths lol

**ethylene:** Aww I’m happy for you guys!

**bett on it:** me too!!!

**TOPaz:** *claps in gay*

**bottomshell:** Glad you finally got your heads out of your asses

**strong independent pussy:** three kinds of people

**hbic:** yeah so far you are the only ones who know, and will know for now. and possibly archie

**pussy:** idk why you feel the need to tell him

**hbic:** because hes my friend. you have nothing to be jealous of babe <3

**pussy:** for the record i think my mom will be supportive, i just dont know how to tell her

**TOPaz:** oh i have SEVERAL ideas!!!

**bottomshell:** She has a whole notebook filled with ways to come out….

**melofy:** thats amazing

**TOPaz:** i never really got 2 come out on my own so ive been writing all the ways i could have come out 2 help the future generations

**pussy:** sick. bring it to school tomorrow

**strong independent pussy:** dude can i see too?

**bett on it:** is “drink a bunch of milkshakes then throw up on the floor” in there?

**hbic:** BETTY SHDFGFJGHJGF

**TOPaz:** NO BUT IM ADDING IT

**ethylene:** Hahaha!

**twunk:** BETTY I LOVE YOU

**bett on it:** i aim to please ʕ￫ᴥ￩ʔ

**melofy:** betty…. ilysm

**strong independent pussy:** ilybc: i love you betty cooper

**bett on it:** (⺣◡⺣)♡*

**pussy:** can yall stop being gay for like 2 secs this is about me and ronnie

**TOPaz:** bitch wbk. viva la gay!

 

**Private Message: Veronica to Josie**

 

10:43

**Veronica:** i think that went well lol

**Josie:** kind of underwhelming tbh

**Veronica:** well they basically already knew

**Josie:** true lol

**Josie:** im glad we told them though

**Veronica:** me too :)

**Veronica:** ugh now i gotta copy all this homework

**Josie:** i told you to do it in study hall but noooooo

**Veronica:** ok we can’t all be over achievers miss josephine

**Josie:** ;)

**Josie:** well im about to go to bed anyway

**Veronica:** nerd

**Josie:** shut up

**Veronica:** skdsfhfgsh sorry babe, gn <3

**Veronica:** btw do you need a ride to school tomorrow? 

**Josie:** while i appreciate your chivalry we were literally just talking about being subtle

**Veronica:** riiiiiight 

**Josie:** lol goodnight baby, make sure to do all your homework

**Veronica:** will do, sweet dreams <3

**Josie:** <3

 

7:52 am

**Veronica:** pulling up to school now, wya kitten

**Veronica:** hello?

**Veronica:** is this because i called you kitten? sorry i know you hate it lol

**Veronica:** hellooooo

**Veronica:** beans?

**Veronica:** *babe?

**Veronica:** stupid autocorrect lol

**Veronica:** josie? are you there?

 

**Vee’s Harem: The Sequel**

 

**hbic:** hey has anyone seen josie?

**bett on it:** not yet, sorry.

**strong independent pussy:** she’s not in the music room like she usually is 

**melofy:** and she definitely wouldn’t want to miss our acoustic version of “all star” lmao

**bottomshell:** Oh she definitely would

**twunk:** I’m not even at school yet

**bett on it:** KEVIN

**TOPaz:** i havent seen josie yet either 

**hbic:** maybe shes sick??

**ethylene:** I saw her briefly in homeroom.

**hbic:** so she is here

**hbic:** she isnt answering my texts???

**strong independent pussy:** why, is she avoiding you?

**hbic:** i dont know, i talked to her last night and everything seemed fine????

**hbic:** i mean i didnt text her good morning this morning but josies not petty like that

**melofy:** yeah that sounds like something cheryl would do

**bottomshell:** HEY!!!

**TOPaz:** hey cheryl may be that petty but not to me lol

**bett on it:** don’t worry Vee, maybe she’s just busy

**ethylene:** Yeah, maybe she’s cramming for a test or something?

**hbic:** maybe. i’ll see her in english

**bett on it:** also Kevin are you here yet???

**twunk:** Coming in rn

**melofy:** HURRY UP YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE BEFORE THE BELL RINGS AND YOU GET MARKED TARDY

**strong independent pussy:** GO KEVIN GOOOOO

**TOPaz:** RUN LIKE THE WIND

**bett on it:** HURRY KEVIN

**bottomshell:** THIRTY SECONDS RUN

**ethylene:** KEVIN GO!!!

**twunk:** AAAAAAAAAAAAA

**hbic:** ugh talk to you all later

__

* * *

 

 

3:15 pm

**_→ hbic has added TOPaz, bett on it, bottomshell, twunk, melofy, strong independent pussy, and ethylene to the chat ←_ **

**_⇒ hbic named the chat help me??? ⇐_ **

**hbic:** HELP

**bett on it:** what’s wrong Vee?

**hbic:** josie has been avoiding me all day :(

**hbic:** idk what i did wrong

**hbic:** has she said anything to any of you??

**ethylene:** No, sorry. :(

**melofy:** yeah she barely said anything to me today

**strong independent pussy:** she didn’t show up for lunch either

**bottomshell:** She has been really distant today...

**TOPaz:** after class she just disappeared. she didnt even want to see my book

**twunk:** She ignored my texts too???

**hbic:** hhhhhhh

**strong independent pussy:** dw vee we’ll talk to her

**melofy:** yeah if she talks to anyone it would be us

**hbic:** thanks

 

**pussy patrol**

 

**val:** so, band practice tonight? my place?

**mel:** sounds good!

**jo:** idk i’m not feeling up to it

**mel:** are you ok?

**val:** yeah you’ve been really off today

**jo:** i dont really want to talk about it

**val:** j you can talk to us

**jo:** i said i didnt want to talk about it

**mel:** everyones really worried about you 

**jo:** did veronica send you?

**val:** ……. 

**val:** well we were worried too

**jo:** ugh

**mel:** come on j, shes really upset

**jo:** i dont want to hurt her i just

**jo:** i cant

 

**help me???**

 

**hbic:** hello?? did she say anything?

**melofy:** not yet

**twunk:** I’m rooting for you guys

**hbic:** im definitely not freaking out haha

**bett on it:** are you in the parking lot?

**hbic:** yeah

**bett on it:** omw

**hbic:** thank you betts ily

 

**pussy patrol**

 

**jo:** listen guys, i’ll talk to veronica on my own. i just need some time

**val:** ok, love you j

**mel:** i love you too <3

**jo:** i love both of you losers <3

 

**help me???**

 

**strong independent pussy:** ok, she’s gonna talk to you when she’s ready

**hbic:** ok im slightly relieved 

**ethylene:** Um, why is Cheryl crying?

**bett on it:** what??

**twunk:** Oh Toni accidentally heelied into a locker and broke her finger

**melofy:** what?!?!?!!?

**hbic:** oh god

**TOPaz:** kevin you werent supposed to tell dskfhjfghgdg

**strong independent pussy:** are you ok????

**TOPaz:** yeah im at the nurse rn

**TOPaz:** cheryls gonna drive me to the hospital i think. if she stops crying lol

**ethylene:** Aw I’m sorry.

**hbic:** cmon we all knew this would happen eventually 

**TOPaz:** i was like heely icarus… i wheeled too close to the sun……….

**bett on it:** you mean the locker?

**melofy:** sdjkfhsfdfj

**bottomshell:** THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES YOU MONSTERS MY BABY IS INJURED

**twunk:** So what if I’m the mONSTEEEEERRRRR

**strong independent pussy:** old meme but i appreciate the attempt 

**twunk:** I try

 

* * *

**Private Message: Josie to Veronica**

 

5:20 pm

**Josie:** hey

**Veronica:** hey

**Veronica:** are you ok???

**Josie:** yeah. im sorry ive been avoiding you all day

**Veronica:** what happened?

**Josie:** my mom saw our texts last night and found out about us

**Veronica:** oh josie, why didnt you tell me? 

**Veronica:** also that is a complete invasion of your privacy and not ok

**Josie:** i was upset and didnt want to tell you

**Veronica:** well what did she say?

**Josie:** she… doesnt want me to see you

**Veronica:** oh

**Veronica:** is it because im a girl?

**Josie:** ……. 

**Josie:** no

**Veronica:** i thought so

**Josie:** im sorry ronnie, i didnt want to upset you

**Veronica:** im not upset

**Veronica:** ok thats a lie im a little upset

**Veronica:** can i call you?

**Josie:** yeah

 

* * *

 

**help me???**

**_⇒ hbic changed the chat name to i want to fucking die ⇐_ **

**hbic:** :))))))

**ethylene:** Ronnie are you ok??

**bett on it:** what’s wrong Vee?

**melofy:** oh no

**TOPaz:** whose ass do i have to beat

**bottomshell:** Babe you’re not beating anyone’s ass with a broken finger

**melofy:** it was just her pinky she’ll live

**strong independent pussy:** what happened? did you talk to josie?

**hbic:** yes. and shes given me permission to tell you all since shes not in the mood to talk

**twunk:** Well?? What did she say????

**hbic:** the reason shes been so distant and upset today is because last night, her mom found out about us, and she basically forbade josie from seeing me. and its not even because im a girl

**hbic:** its because im a lodge

**bett on it:** oh ronnie I’m so sorry.... 

**hbic:** and its not about me! josie said her mom told her that she likes me, and wouldnt mind me dating her if it werent! for! my family!!!

**hbic:** the worst part is, i dont blame her. i cant blame her for worrying about her daughter’s safety when my dad is a literal super villain

**hbic:** fuck, i knew this was all to good to be true. things were going so great, i was so happy. it was only a matter of time before my dad ruined it all

**hbic:** back in new york when this shit happened, i didnt give a fuck. if someone didnt want to date me because of my family then their loss, you know? but things are different now. josie is different

**hbic:** i care about her so much, and now shes hurting because of me

**hbic:** she started crying when we were talking on the phone and then i started crying because she was crying and it was a whole mess and im definitely not crying now haha

**strong independent pussy:** shit vee, i’m so sorry

**melofy:** damn im sorry ronnie

**TOPaz:** aw, i wish i could do something to help :(

**ethylene:** Me too. :(

**bottomshell:** I empathize. I know it’s not the same, but I know how you feel

**twunk:** Is there anything we can do?

**hbic:** i wish… theres nothing anyone can do though

**bett on it:** …..

**bett on it:** no.

**hbic:** im sorry what?

**bett on it:** I said no. you’re not giving up on josie. I did not watch you guys make out in a parking lot for you to give up so easily.

**bett on it:** the Veronica I know wouldn’t let anyone tell her who she can date. she wouldn’t just stand by and let this happen.

**hbic:** this isnt just about me tho. this is about josie, and her mom, and my parents. i would never allow my dad to hurt josie, and he has no reason to! but ms mccoy doesnt understand 

**bett on it:** so make her understand! show her how much you care for her daughter! you would do anything for Josie right?

**hbic:** of course

**melofy:** screenshotted 

**hbic:** SDHJSFHDJFHDS

**bottomshell:** Cousin Betty, are you proposing some sort of scheme??

**bett on it:** more of a grand gesture but yes.

**bottomshell:** Excellent. Things were getting a little boring around here

**TOPaz:** count me in 

**melofy:** me too *eye emoji*

**twunk:** Did you really spell out eye emoji instead of putting the actual emoji

**strong independent pussy:** josie took away her emoji keyboard and she doesn’t know how to get it back lmao

**melofy:** :’(

**ethylene:** Whatever you’re planning, I’ll be happy to help!

**hbic:** you guys realize this is my actual life right??? not a rejected glee episode

**bett on it:** dkshkghfhf of course Ronnie we won’t do anything without your approval.

**hbic:** …..ok. whats your plan

**bett on it:** nothing is set in stone yet. Cheryl is already texting me ideas lol. we’re probably going to need everyone’s help though.

**TOPaz:** as long as it doesn’t involve me using my pinky im down lol

**bett on it:** dang,,, the entire plan rested on you being able to use your pinky ://

**strong independent pussy:** SJHFJDHDKSH

**TOPaz:** betty,,,,, funny???

**hbic:** BETTYS BEEN FUNNY THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME YOU ASSHOLE

**melofy:** shes learning

**ethylene:** Hahaha!

**bottomshell:** Betty I know that was a Joke but if you further injure Toni I will sh**t you

**bett on it:** noted lol.

**twunk:** Why did you censor shoot lmao   
**bottomshell:** Toni told me to stop threatening people with violence

**ethylene:** That’s still a threat of violence though… 

**bett on it:** anyway you’re all sworn to secrecy now.

**hbic:** yeah josie CANNOT know

**bett on it:** swear on Toni’s broken pinky.

**bottomshell:** No!!!

**hbic:** i solemnly swear on tonis broken pinky

**strong independent pussy:** i swear on toni’s broken pinky

**bottomshell:** Wtf is wrong you guys???

**melofy:** i swear on tonis broken pinky 

**twunk:** I too swear on Toni’s broken pinky

**ethylene:** I also swear on Toni’s broken pinky.

**TOPaz:** i swear on my broken pinky 

**bottomshell:** Wtf…..

**TOPaz:** cmon babe rules are rules

**bottomshell:** Fine I swear on Toni’s broken pinky or whatever

**melofy:** the ritual is complete ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

**bett on it:** and a pinky swear, as you all know, can never be broken.

**TOPaz:** cant break whats already broken!

**strong independent pussy:** if this is a broken pinky swear does this mean we can’t… heal it??

**bottomshell:** God you all have the combined intelligence of a pet rock

**_⇒ strong independent pussy changed the chat name to pet rock squad ⇐_ **

**bottomshell:** Omg

**bett on it:** alright pet rock squad let’s do this

**melofy:** yeah! so veronica can once again tap that ass

**hbic:** JDHDJSDHDSKHSGHG

**ethylene:** Oh dear lol. 

**twunk:** I’m going to regret doing this aren’t I

**hbic:** im already regretting this

**strong independent pussy:** too late we’re doing this and then you WILL tap that ass

**TOPaz:** to tapping josies ass!!!

**_→ hbic has kicked TOPaz from the chat ←_ **

**melofy:** just a typical monday night!

**hbic:** you guys are the worst pet rocks ever

**bett on it:** yeah that checks out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And thanks to Lila for the pet rock thing. You're a ROCK star :D

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far I'm so sorry. Thanks for reading!


End file.
